084.asc

// 14774
//== Taboo Tradeoffs, Aftermath 2

// 14775
//When Hermione Granger woke, she found herself lying in a soft, comfortable bed
//of the Hogwarts infirmary, with a square of setting sunlight falling on her
//midriff, warm through the thin blanket. Memory said that there would be a
//screen-sheet above her, either drawn around her bed or open, and that the rest
//of Madam Pomfrey’s domain would lie beyond: the other beds, occupied or
//unoccupied, and bright windows set in the curvily-carven stone of Hogwarts.

// 14776
//When Hermione opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was the face of
//Professor McGonagall, sitting on the left side of her bed. Professor Flitwick
//wasn’t there, but that was understandable, he’d stayed by her side all morning
//in the detention cell, his silver raven standing extra guard against the
//Dementor and his stern little face always turned outward toward the Aurors. The
//Head of Ravenclaw had surely spent way too much time on her, and probably had
//to get back to teaching his classes, instead of keeping watch on a convicted
//attempted-murderess.

// 14777
//She felt horribly, horribly sick and she didn’t think it was because of any
//potions. Hermione would’ve started crying again, only her throat hurt, her eyes
//still burned, and her mind just felt tired. She couldn’t have borne to weep
//again, couldn’t find the strength for tears.

// 14778
//“Where are my parents?” Hermione whispered to the Head of House Gryffindor.
//Somehow it seemed like the worst thing in the world to face them, even worse
//than everything else; and yet she still wanted to see them.

// 14779
//The gentle look on Professor McGonagall’s face Transfigured into something
//sadder. “I’m sorry, Miss Granger. Though it was not always so, we have found in
//recent years that it is wiser not to tell the parents of Muggleborns about any
//danger their child has faced. I should advise you also to remain silent, if you
//wish to stay at Hogwarts without trouble from them.”

// 14780
//“I’m not being expelled?” the girl whispered. “For what I did?”

// 14781
//“No,” said Professor McGonagall. “Miss Granger… surely you heard… I hope you
//heard Mr. Potter, when he said that you were innocent?”

// 14782
//“He was just saying that,” she said dully. “To get me free, I mean.”

// 14783
//The older witch shook her head firmly. “No, Miss Granger. Mr. Potter believes
//you were Memory-Charmed, that the whole duel never happened. The Headmaster
//suspects even Darker magics may have been involved - that your own hand might
//have cast the spell, but not your own will. Even Professor Snape finds the
//affair completely unbelievable, though he may not be able to say so publicly.
//He was wondering if Muggle drugs might have been used on you.”

// 14784
//Hermione’s eyes went on staring distantly at the Transfiguration Professor; she
//knew that she’d just been told something significant, but she couldn’t find the
//energy to propagate any changes through her mind.

// 14785
//“Surely __you__ don’t believe it?” said Professor McGonagall. “Miss
//Granger, you cannot believe of yourself that you would turn to murder!”

// 14786
//“But I -” Her excellent memory helpfully replayed it for the thousandth time,
//Draco Malfoy telling her with a sneer that she’d never beat him when he wasn’t
//tired, and then proceeding to prove just that, dancing like a duelist between
//the warded trophies while she frantically scrambled, and dealing the ending
//blow with a hex that sent her crashing against the wall and drew blood from her
//cheek - and then - then she’d -

// 14787
//“But you remember doing it,” said the older witch, who was watching over her
//with kindly understanding. “Miss Granger, there is no need for a
//twelve-year-old girl to bear such dreadful memories. Say the word and I shall
//be happy to lock them away for you.”

// 14788
//It was like a glass of warm water thrown into her face. “What?”

// 14789
//Professor McGonagall took out her wand, a gesture so practiced and quick that
//it seemed like pointing a finger. “I can’t offer to rid you of the memories
//entirely, Miss Granger,” the Transfiguration Professor said with her customary
//precision. “There may be important facts buried there. But there is a form of
//the Memory Charm which is reversible, and I shall be happy to cast that on
//you.”

// 14790
//Hermione stared at the wand, feeling the stirrings of hope for the first time
//in almost two days.

// 14791
//__Make it didn’t happen…__ she’d wished that over and over again, for the
//hands of time to turn back and erase the horrible choice that could never, ever
//be undone. And if erasing the memory wasn’t that, it was still a kind of
//release…

// 14792
//She looked back at Professor McGonagall’s kindly face.

// 14793
//“You __really__ don’t think I did it?” Hermione said, her voice trembling.

// 14794
//“I am __quite__ certain you would never do such a thing of your own will.”

// 14795
//Beneath her blankets, Hermione’s hands clutched at the sheets. “__Harry__
//doesn’t think I did it?”

// 14796
//“Mr. Potter is of the opinion that your memories are entire fabrications. I can
//rather see his point.”

// 14797
//Then Hermione’s clutching fingers let go of the sheet, and she slumped back
//into the bed, from which she’d partially risen.

// 14798
//No.

// 14799
//She hadn’t said anything.

// 14800
//She’d woken up and remembered what had happened last night, and it had been
//like - like - she couldn’t find words even in her own thoughts for what it had
//been like. But she’d known that Draco Malfoy was already dead, and she hadn’t
//said anything, hadn’t gone to Professor Flitwick and confessed. She’d just
//dressed herself and gone down to breakfast and __tried to act normal__ so
//that nobody would ever know, and she’d known it was wrong and Wrong and
//horribly horribly WRONG but she’d been so, so scared -

// 14801
//Even if Harry Potter was right, even if the duel with Draco Malfoy was a lie,
//she’d made __that__ choice all by herself. She didn’t deserve to forget
//that, or be forgiven for it.

// 14802
//And if she __had__ done the right thing, gone straight to Professor
//Flitwick, maybe that would’ve - helped, somehow, maybe everyone would’ve seen
//then that she regretted it, and Harry wouldn’t have had to give away all his
//money to save her -

// 14803
//Hermione shut her eyes, squeezed them shut really tight, she couldn’t bear to
//start crying again. “I’m a horrible person,” she said in a wavering voice. “I’m
//awful, I’m not heroic at all -”

// 14804
//Professor McGonagall’s voice was very sharp, like Hermione had just made some
//dreadful mistake on her Transfiguration homework. “Stop being foolish, Miss
//Granger! __Horrible__ is whoever did this to you. And as for being heroic
//- well, Miss Granger, you have already heard my opinion about young girls
//trying to involve themselves in such things before they are even fourteen, so I
//shall not lecture you on it again. I shall say only that you have just had an
//absolutely dreadful experience, which you survived as well as any witch in your
//year possibly could. Today you are allowed to cry as much as you like. Tomorrow
//you are going back to class.”

// 14805
//That was when Hermione knew that Professor McGonagall couldn’t help her. She
//needed someone to scold her, she couldn’t be absolved if she couldn’t be
//blamed, and Professor McGonagall would never do that for her, would never ask
//so much of a little Ravenclaw girl.

// 14806
//It was something Harry Potter wouldn’t help her with either.

// 14807
//Hermione turned over in the infirmary bed, huddling into herself, away from
//Professor McGonagall. “Please,” she whispered. “I want to talk - to the
//Headmaster -”

// 14808
//“Hermione.”

// 14809
//When Hermione Granger opened her eyes a second time, she saw the care-lined
//face of Albus Dumbledore leaning over her bedside, looking almost as though
//__he’d__ been crying, though that was impossible; and Hermione felt
//another stabbing pang of guilt for having bothered him so.

// 14810
//“Minerva said you wished to speak with me,” the old wizard said.

// 14811
//“I -” Suddenly Hermione didn’t know at all what to say. Her throat locked up,
//and all she could do was stammer, “I - I’m -”

// 14812
//Somehow her tone must have communicated the other word, the one she couldn’t
//even say anymore.

// 14813
//“__Sorry?__” said Dumbledore. “Why, for what should you be sorry?”

// 14814
//She had to force the words out of her throat. “You were telling Harry - that he
//shouldn’t pay - so__ I__ shouldn’t - have done what Professor McGonagall
//said, I shouldn’t have touched his wand -”

// 14815
//“My dear,” said Dumbledore, “had you not pledged yourself to the House of
//Potter, Harry would have attacked Azkaban singlehandedly, and quite possibly
//won. That boy may choose his words carefully, but I have never yet known him to
//lie; and in the Boy-Who-Lived there is power that the Dark Lord never knew. He
//would indeed have tried to break Azkaban, even at cost of his life.” The old
//wizard’s voice grew gentler, and kinder. “No, Hermione, you have nothing at all
//for which to blame yourself.”

// 14816
//“I could have __made__ him not do it.”

// 14817
//In Dumbledore’s eyes a small twinkle appeared before it was lost to weariness.
//“Really, Miss Granger? Perhaps you should be Headmistress in my place, for I
//myself have no such power over stubborn children.”

// 14818
//“Harry promised -” Her voice stopped. The awful truth was very hard to speak.
//“Harry Potter promised me - that he would never help me - if I told him not
//to.”

// 14819
//There was a pause. The distant noises of the infirmary that had accompanied
//Professor McGonagall had ceased, Hermione realized, when Dumbledore had awoken
//her. From where she lay in bed she could see only the ceiling, and the top of
//one wall’s windows, but nothing in her range of vision moved, and if there were
//sounds, she could not hear them.

// 14820
//“Ah,” said Dumbledore. The old wizard sighed heavily. “I suppose it __is__
//possible that the boy would have kept his promise.”

// 14821
//“I should - I should’ve -”

// 14822
//“Gone to Azkaban of your own will?” Dumbledore said. “Miss Granger, that is
//more than I would ever ask anyone to take upon themselves.”

// 14823
//“But -” Hermione swallowed. She couldn’t help but notice the loophole, anyone
//who wanted to get through the portrait-door to the Ravenclaw dorm quickly
//learned to pay attention to exact wordings. “But it’s not more than you’d take
//on __yourself__.”

// 14824
//“Hermione -” the old wizard began.

// 14825
//“Why?” said Hermione’s voice, it seemed to be running on without her mind, now.
//“Why couldn’t I be braver? I was going to run in front of the Dementor - for
//Harry - before, I mean, in January - so why - why - why couldn’t I -” Why had
//the thought of being sent to Azkaban just completely __unglued__ her, why
//had she forgotten everything about being Good -

// 14826
//“My dear girl,” Dumbledore said. The blue eyes behind the half-moon glasses
//showed a complete understanding of her guilt. “I would have done no better
//myself, in my first year in Hogwarts. As you would be kind to others, be kinder
//to yourself as well.”

// 14827
//“So I __did__ do the wrong thing.” Somehow she needed to say that, to be
//told that, even though she already knew.

// 14828
//There was a pause.

// 14829
//“Listen, young Ravenclaw,” the old wizard said, “hear me well, for I shall
//speak to you a truth. Most ill-doers do not think of themselves as evil;
//indeed, most conceive themselves the heroes of the stories they tell. I once
//thought that the greatest evil in this world was done in the name of the
//greater good. I was wrong. Terribly wrong. There is evil in this world which
//knows itself for evil, and hates the good with all its strength. All fair
//things does it desire to destroy.”

// 14830
//Hermione shivered in her bed, somehow it seemed very real, when Dumbledore said
//it.

// 14831
//The old wizard continued speaking. “You are one of the fair things of this
//world, Hermione Granger, and so that evil hates you as well. If you had stayed
//firm through even this trial, it would have struck you harder and yet harder,
//until you shattered. Do not think that heroes cannot be broken! We are only
//more difficult to break, Hermione.” The old wizard’s eyes had grown sterner
//than she had ever seen. “When you have been exhausted for many hours, when pain
//and death is not a passing fear but a certainty, then it is harder to be a
//hero. If I must speak the truth - then today, yes, I would not waver in the
//face of Azkaban. But when I was a first-year in Hogwarts - I would have fled
//from the Dementor that you confronted, for my father had died in Azkaban, and I
//feared them. Know this! The evil that struck at you could have broken anyone,
//even myself. Only Harry Potter has it within him to face that horror, when he
//has come fully into his power.”

// 14832
//Hermione’s neck couldn’t stare at the old wizard any longer; she let her head
//fall back, back to the pillow, where she stared up at the ceiling, absorbing
//what she could.

// 14833
//“Why?” Her voice trembled again. “Why would anyone be that evil? I don’t
//understand.”

// 14834
//“I, too, have wondered,” said Dumbledore’s voice, a deep sadness in it. “For
//thrice ten years I wondered, and I still do not understand. You and I will
//never understand, Hermione Granger. But at least I know now what true evil
//would say for itself, if we could speak to it and ask why it was evil. It would
//say, __Why not?__”

// 14835
//A brief flare of indignation inside her. “There’s got to be a __million__
//reasons why not!”

// 14836
//“Indeed,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “A million reasons and more. We will always
//know those reasons, you and I. If you insist on putting it that way - then yes,
//Hermione, this day’s trial broke you. But what happens __after__ you break
//- that, too, is part of being a hero. Which you are, Hermione Granger, and will
//always be.”

// 14837
//She raised her head again, staring at him.

// 14838
//The old wizard got up from beside her bed. His silver beard dipped down, as
//Dumbledore bowed to her gravely, and left.

// 14839
//She went on looking at where the old wizard had gone.

// 14840
//It should have meant something to her, should have touched her. Should have
//made her felt better inside, that Dumbledore, who had seemed so reluctant
//before, had now acknowledged her as a hero.

// 14841
//She felt nothing.

// 14842
//Hermione let her head fall back to the bed, as Madam Pomfrey came and made her
//drink something that seared her lips like the afterburn of spicy food, and
//smelled even hotter, and didn’t taste like anything at all. It meant nothing to
//her. She went on staring up at the distant stone tiles of the ceiling.

// 14843
//Minerva was waiting, doing her best not to hover, beside the double doors to
//the Hogwarts infirmary, she’d always thought of those doors as “the ominous
//gates” as a child in Hogwarts, and couldn’t help but remember that now. Too
//much bad news had been spoken here -

// 14844
//Albus stepped out. The old wizard did not pause on the way out of the
//infirmary, only kept walking toward Professor Flitwick’s office; and Minerva
//followed him.

// 14845
//Professor McGonagall cleared her throat. “Is it done, Albus?”

// 14846
//The old wizard nodded in affirmation. “If any hostile magic is cast on her, or
//any spirit touches her, I shall know, and come.”

// 14847
//“I spoke to Mr. Potter after Transfiguration class,” said Professor McGonagall.
//“He was of the opinion that Miss Granger should go to Beauxbatons, rather than
//Hogwarts, from now on.”

// 14848
//The old wizard shook his head. “No. If Voldemort truly desires to strike at
//Miss Granger - he is tenacious beyond measure. His servants are returning to
//him, he could not have retrieved Bellatrix alone. Azkaban itself is not safe
//from his malice, and as for Beauxbatons - no, Minerva. I do not think Voldemort
//can essay such possessions often, or against stronger targets, or this year
//would have gone quite differently. And Harry Potter is here, whom Voldemort
//must fear whether he admits it or no. Now that I have warded her, Miss Granger
//will be safer within Hogwarts than without.”

// 14849
//“Mr. Potter seemed to doubt that,” Minerva said. She couldn’t quite keep the
//edge from her voice; there was a part of her that agreed rather strongly. “He
//seemed to feel that common sense said Miss Granger should continue her
//education anywhere but Hogwarts.”

// 14850
//The old wizard sighed. “I fear the boy has spent too much time among the
//Muggles. Always they reach for safety; always they imagine that safety can be
//reached. If Miss Granger is not safe within the center of our fortress, she
//shall be no safer for leaving it.”

// 14851
//“Not everyone seems to think so,” said Professor McGonagall. It had been almost
//the first letter she’d seen when she’d taken a quick look at her desk; an
//envelope of the finest sheepskin, sealed in greenish-silver wax, pressed into
//the image of a snake that rose and hissed at her. “I have received Lord
//Malfoy’s owl withdrawing his son from Hogwarts.”

// 14852
//The old wizard nodded, but did not break stride. “Does Harry know?”

// 14853
//“Yes.” Her voice faltered, for a moment, remembering Harry’s expression. “After
//class, Mr. Potter complimented Lord Malfoy’s excellent good sense, and said
//that he would be writing Madam Longbottom advising her to do the same with her
//grandson, in case he was the next target. In the event that Mr. Longbottom’s
//guardian was so negligent as to keep him in Hogwarts, Mr. Potter wanted him to
//have a Time-Turner, an invisibility cloak, a broomstick, and a pouch in which
//to carry them; also a toe-ring with an emergency portkey to a safe location, in
//case someone kidnaps Mr. Longbottom and takes him outside Hogwarts’s wards. I
//told Mr. Potter that I did not think the Ministry would consent to such use of
//our Time-Turners, and he said that we should not ask. I expect he will want
//Miss Granger to receive the same, if she stays. And for himself Mr. Potter
//wants a three-person broomstick to carry in his pouch.” She wasn’t awed by the
//list of precautions. Impressed with the cleverness, but not awed; she was a
//Transfiguration Mistress, after all. But it still sent shivers of disquiet
//through her, that Harry Potter now thought Hogwarts as dangerous as spell
//research.

// 14854
//“The Department of Mysteries is not lightly defied,” said Albus. “But for the
//rest -” The old wizard seemed to slump in on himself slightly. “We may as well
//give the boy what he wishes. And I will ward Neville also, and write Augusta to
//say that he should stay here over holiday.”

// 14855
//“And finally,” she said, “Mr. Potter says - this is a direct quote, Albus -
//whatever kind of Dark Wizard attractant the Headmaster is keeping here, he
//needs to get it out of this school, __now__.” She couldn’t stop the edge
//in her own voice, that time.

// 14856
//“I asked as much of Flamel,” Albus said, the pain clear in his voice. “But
//Master Flamel has said - that even __he__ can no longer keep safe the
//Stone - that he believes Voldemort has means of finding it wherever it is
//hidden - and that he does not consent for it to be guarded anywhere but
//Hogwarts. Minerva, I am sorry, but it must be done - __must!__”

// 14857
//“Very well,” said Professor McGonagall. “But for myself, I think that Mr.
//Potter is right on every single count.”

// 14858
//The old wizard glanced at her, and his voice caught as he said, “Minerva, you
//have known me long, and as well as any soul still living - tell me, have I lost
//myself to darkness already?”

// 14859
//“What?” said Professor McGonagall in genuine surprise. Then, “Oh, Albus, no!”

// 14860
//The old wizard’s lips pressed together tightly before he spoke. “For the
//greater good. I have sacrificed so many, for the greater good. Today I almost
//condemned Hermione Granger to Azkaban for the greater good. And I find myself -
//today, I found myself - beginning to resent the innocence that is no longer
//mine -” The old wizard’s voice halted. “Evil done in the name of good. Evil
//done in the name of evil. Which __is__ worse?”

// 14861
//“You are being silly, Albus.”

// 14862
//The old wizard glanced at her again, before turning his eyes back to their way.
//“Tell me, Minerva - did you pause to weigh the consequences, before you told
//Miss Granger how to bind herself to the Potter family?”

// 14863
//She took an involuntary breath as she understood what she had done -

// 14864
//“So you did not.” Albus’s eyes were saddened. “No, Minerva, you must not
//apologize. It is well. For what you have seen of me this day - if your first
//loyalty is now to Harry Potter, and not to me, then that is right and proper.”
//She opened her lips to protest, but Albus went on before she could say a word.
//“Indeed - indeed - that will be necessary and more than necessary, if the Dark
//Lord that Harry must defeat to come into his power is not Voldemort after all
//-”

// 14865
//“Not __this__ again!” Minerva said. “Albus, it was You-Know-Who, not you,
//who marked Harry as his equal. There is no __possible__ way that the
//prophecy could be talking about you!”

// 14866
//The old wizard nodded, but his eyes still seemed distant, fixed only on the
//road ahead.

// 14867
//The holding cell, well to the center of Magical Law Enforcement, was
//luxuriously appointed; more a remark on what adult wizards took for granted,
//than any special feeling toward prisoners. There was a self-reclining,
//self-rocking chair with plush, richly textured, self-warming cushions. There
//was a bookcase containing random books rescued from a bargain bin, and a full
//shelf of ancient magazines, including one from 1883. As for toiletries, well,
//it wasn’t exactly luxurious, but there was a spell on the room which put all
//that business on hold; you weren’t to go anywhere that the watching Auror
//couldn’t see you. But aside from that, it was quite a pleasant little cell. The
//Defense Professor of Hogwarts was being detained, not arrested, not even
//intimidated. There was no evidence to indict him… except that a terrible and
//unusual crime had been committed at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and
//Wizardry, and going by previous occasions the odds were five to one that the
//current Defense Professor was tangled up in it __somehow__. To this must
//be added the fact that nobody in the D.M.L.E. even knew who the Defense
//Professor __was__, and that the man had literally __sneezed__ at all
//attempts to uncover his true identity. Why, no, they __hadn’t__ released
//‘Quirinus Quirrell’ back to Hogwarts just yet.

// 14868
//Let us repeat this for emphasis:

// 14869
//The Defense Professor.

// 14870
//Was being detained.

// 14871
//In a cell.

// 14872
//The Defense Professor was staring at the watching Auror and humming.

// 14873
//The Defense Professor has not spoken a single word since he arrived in this
//particular cell. He has __only__ been humming.

// 14874
//The humming started as a simple children’s lullaby, the one that in Muggle
//Britain begins, __Lullaby, and goodnight…__

// 14875
//This tune was hummed, without variation, over and over, for seven minutes, to
//establish the underlying pattern.

// 14876
//Then began the elaborations upon the theme. Phrases hummed too slow, with long
//pauses in between, so that the listener’s mind helplessly waits and waits for
//the next note, the next phrase. And then, when that next phrase comes, it is so
//out of key, so unbelievably awfully out of key, not just out of key for the
//previous phrases but sung at a pitch which does not correspond to __any__
//key, that you would have to believe this person had spent hours deliberately
//practicing their humming just to acquire such perfect anti-pitch.

// 14877
//It bears the same semblance to music as the awful dead voice of a Dementor
//bears to human speech.

// 14878
//And this horrible, horrible humming is __impossible__ to ignore. It is
//similar to a known lullaby, but it departs from that pattern unpredictably. It
//sets up expectations and then violates them, never in any constant pattern that
//would permit the humming to fade into the background. The listener’s brain
//cannot prevent itself from expecting the anti-musical phrases to complete, nor
//prevent itself from noticing the surprises.

// 14879
//The only possible explanation for how this mode of humming came to exist is
//that it was deliberately designed by some unspeakably cruel genius who woke up
//one day, feeling bored with ordinary torture, who decided to handicap himself
//and find out whether he could break someone’s sanity __just by humming at
//them__.

// 14880
//The Auror has been listening to this unimaginably dreadful humming for four
//hours, while being stared at by a huge, cold, lethal presence that feels
//equally horrible whether he looks at it directly or lets it hover at the corner
//of his vision -

// 14881
//The humming stopped.

// 14882
//There was a long wait. Time enough for false hope to rise, and be squashed down
//by the memory of previous disappointments. And then, as the interval
//lengthened, and lengthened, that hope rose again unstoppably -

// 14883
//The humming began once more.

// 14884
//The Auror cracked.

// 14885
//From his belt, the Auror took a mirror, tapped it once, and then said, “This is
//Junior Auror Arjun Altunay, I’m calling in code RJ-L20 on cell three.”

// 14886
//“Code RJ-L20?” the mirror said in surprised tones. There was a sound of pages
//being flipped, then, “You want to be relieved because a prisoner is attempting
//psychological warfare and succeeding?”

// 14887
//(Amelia Bones really is quite intelligent.)

// 14888
//“What’d the prisoner say to you?” said the mirror.

// 14889
//(This question is __not__ part of procedure RJ-L20, but unfortunately
//Amelia Bones has failed to include an explicit instruction that the commanding
//officer should not ask.)

// 14890
//“He’s -” said the Auror, and glanced back at the cell. The Defense Professor
//was now leaning in back in his chair, looking quite relaxed. “He was
//__staring__ at me! And __humming!__”

// 14891
//There was a pause.

// 14892
//The mirror spoke again. “And you’re calling in an RJ-L20 over that? You’re sure
//you’re not just trying to get out of watching him?”

// 14893
//(Amelia Bones is surrounded by idiots.)

// 14894
//“You don’t understand!” yelled Auror Altunay. “It’s really awful humming!”

// 14895
//The mirror transmitted a sound of muffled laughter in the background, sounding
//like it was coming from more than one person. Then speech again. “Mr. Altunay,
//if you don’t want to be busted to Junior Auror Second Class, I suggest you
//buckle down and get back to work -”

// 14896
//“Strike that,” a crisp voice said, sounding slightly remote due to its distance
//from the mirror.

// 14897
//(Which is why Amelia Bones often sits in on a coordination center of the
//D.M.L.E. while doing her Ministry-required paperwork.)

// 14898
//“Auror Altunay,” said the crisp voice, seeming to approach closer to the
//mirror, “you will be relieved shortly. Auror Ben Gutierrez, the procedure for
//RJ-L20 does __not__ say that you ask why. It says that you relieve the
//Auror who calls it in. __If__ I find that Aurors seem to be abusing it,
//__I__ will modify the procedure to prevent its abuse -” The mirror cut off
//abruptly.

// 14899
//The Auror turned back to look triumphantly at where the current Defense
//Professor of Hogwarts was leaning back in his cushioned chair.

// 14900
//That man then spoke the first words that had left his lips since he entered the
//cell.

// 14901
//“Goodbye, Mr. Altunay,” said the Defense Professor.

// 14902
//A few minutes later, the door to the detention cell opened, and in walked a
//grey-haired woman, dressed in the crimson-tinged robes of an Auror without any
//sign of rank or other ornamentation, carrying a black leather folder under her
//left arm. “You’re relieved,” the old woman said abruptly.

// 14903
//There was a brief delay while Auror Altunay tried to explain what had been
//happening. This was cut short by a nod and a stark, simple finger pointing out
//the door.

// 14904
//“Good evening, Madam Director,” said the Defense Professor.

// 14905
//Amelia Bones did not acknowledge this statement, but sat down abruptly in the
//vacated chair. The old witch opened the black folder and her gaze moved down to
//the parchments therein. “Possible hints to the identity of the current Hogwarts
//Defense Professor, as compiled by Auror Robards.” The title parchment was
//turned, flipped aside. “The Defense Professor said that he was Sorted into
//Slytherin. Claimed that his family was killed by Voldemort. Said he had studied
//at a martial arts center in Muggle Asia which was destroyed by Voldemort. A
//request filed with the Department of International Magical Cooperation
//identifies this incident as the Oni Affair of 1969.” Another parchment was
//flipped aside. “It also seems this Defense Professor gave a most stirring
//speech to his students, just before last Yule, castigating the previous
//generation for their disunity against the Death Eaters.” The old witch looked
//up from the leather folder. “Madam Longbottom was rather taken with it, and
//insisted that I read the entire thing. The argument struck me as familiar,
//though I could not place it at the time. But then, of course, I had thought you
//dead.”

// 14906
//The chief law enforcement officer of Magical Britain was now gazing sharply at
//the current Defense Professor of Hogwarts, across the pane of spell-reinforced
//glass separating them. The man in the cell returned the gaze equably, without
//apparent alarm.

// 14907
//“I shall not name any names,” said the old witch. “But I shall tell a story,
//and see if it sounds familiar.” Amelia Bones looked back down, turning to the
//next parchment. “Born 1927, entered Hogwarts in 1938, sorted into Slytherin,
//graduated 1945. Went on a graduation tour abroad and disappeared while visiting
//Albania. Presumed dead until 1970, when he returned to magical Britain just as
//suddenly, without any explanation for the missing twenty-five years. He
//remained estranged from his family and friends, living in isolation. In 1971,
//while visiting Diagon Alley, he fended off an attempt by Bellatrix Black to
//kidnap the daughter of the Minister of Magic, and used the Killing Curse to
//slay two of the three Death Eaters accompanying her. Beyond this all Britain
//knows the story; need I continue it?” The old witch looked up from her folder
//again. “Very well. There was a trial in the Wizengamot, during which this young
//man was exonerated for his use of the Killing Curse, not least due to the
//efforts of his grandmother, the Lady of his House. He was reconciled with his
//family, and they held a House gathering to welcome his return. The guest of
//honor arrived at that gathering to find his entire family slain by Death
//Eaters, even to the house elves; and that he himself, of cadet line, was now
//the last remaining scion of a Most Ancient House.”

// 14908
//The Defense Professor had not reacted at all to any of this, except that his
//eyes had half-closed, as though in weariness.

// 14909
//“The young man took up his family’s seat in the Wizengamot, becoming among the
//most steadfast voices against You-Know-Who. Several times he led forces against
//the Death Eaters, fighting with skillful tactics and extraordinary power.
//People began to speak of him as the next Dumbledore, it was thought that he
//might become Minister of Magic after the Dark Lord fell. On the third of July,
//1973, he failed to appear at a key Wizengamot vote, and was never heard from
//again. We assumed You-Know-Who had killed him. It was a grave blow to all of
//us, and matters went much the worse from that day on.” The old witch’s gaze was
//questioning. “I mourned you myself. What happened?”

// 14910
//The Defense Professor’s shoulders moved lightly, a small shrug. “You make many
//assumptions,” the Defense Professor said softly. “For myself, I would believe
//that man died years ago. But if that man is nonetheless alive - then it is
//clear he does not wish the fact announced, and has reasons enough for silence.
//That man was once of some help to you, it seems.” The Defense Professor’s lips
//curved in a cynical smile. “But I am no longer surprised when gratitude is
//fleeting. Is there yet more that you would demand from him?”

// 14911
//The old witch leaned back in her Auror’s monitoring-chair, looking rather
//startled, maybe even hurt. “No -” she said after a moment. Her fingers tapped
//the leather folder; __nervously,__ you might have thought, if you had
//believed that Amelia Bones could ever be nervous. “But your __House__ -
//there are not many Ancient Houses remaining -”

// 14912
//“It shall matter little to this country whether eight Ancient Houses remain, or
//seven.”

// 14913
//The old witch sighed. “What does Dumbledore think of this?”

// 14914
//The man in the detention cell shook his head. “He does not know who I am, and
//promised not to inquire.”

// 14915
//The old witch’s eyebrows rose. “How did he identify you to the Hogwarts wards,
//then?”

// 14916
//A slight smile. “The Headmaster drew a circle, and told Hogwarts that he who
//stood within was the Defense Professor. Speaking of which -” The tone went
//lower, flatter. “I am missing my classes, Director Bones.”

// 14917
//“You seem to - __rest__, sometimes, in a peculiar manner. This has also
//been reported. And you seem to be __resting__ more and more frequently, as
//time goes on.” The old witch’s fingers tapped the leather folder again. “I
//cannot recall reading of such a symptom, but when one hears of such a thing,
//one imagines… Dark Wizards fought, and terrible curses received…”

// 14918
//The Defense Professor remained expressionless.

// 14919
//“Do you require a healer’s help?” said Amelia Bones. Her own mask had slipped,
//clearly showing the pain in her eyes. “Is there anything at all that can be
//done for you?”

// 14920
//“I agreed to teach Defense at Hogwarts,” the man in the cell said flatly. “Draw
//your own conclusions, Madam. And I am missing my classes, of which there are
//not many left. I would return to Hogwarts, now.”

// 14921
//When Hermione woke the third time (though it felt like she’d only closed her
//eyes for a moment) the Sun was even lower in the sky, almost fully set. She
//felt a little more alive and, strangely, even more exhausted. This time it was
//Professor Flitwick who was standing next to her bed and shaking her shoulder, a
//tray of steaming food floating next to him. For some reason she’d thought Harry
//Potter ought to be leaning over her bedside, but he wasn’t there. Had she
//dreamed that? She couldn’t remember dreaming.

// 14922
//It developed (according to Professor Flitwick) that Hermione had missed dinner
//in the Great Hall, and was being woken to eat. And then she could go back to
//the Ravenclaw dorm, and her own bed, to sleep the rest of the night.

// 14923
//She ate in silence. There was a part of her that wanted to ask Professor
//Flitwick whether __he__ thought she’d been Memory-Charmed or she’d tried
//to kill Draco Malfoy of her own will -

// 14924
//__- like she remembered doing -__

// 14925
//- but most of her was afraid to find out. __Afraid to find out__ was a
  //warning sign, according to Harry Potter and his books; but her mind felt
//tired, __bruised,__ and she couldn’t muster the strength to override it.

// 14926
//When she and Professor Flitwick left the infirmary they found Harry Potter
//sitting cross-legged outside the door, quietly reading a psychology textbook.

// 14927
//“I’ll take her from here,” said the Boy-Who-Lived. “Professor McGonagall said
//it would be all right.”

// 14928
//Professor Flitwick seemed to accept this, and departed after a stern look at
//both of them. She couldn’t imagine what the stern look was supposed to say,
//unless it was __don’t try to kill any more students.__

// 14929
//The footsteps of Professor Flitwick faded, and the two of them stood alone
//outside the doors of the infirmary.

// 14930
//She looked at the green eyes of the Boy-Who-Lived, the mess of hair that didn’t
//quite obscure the scar on his forehead; she looked upon the face of the boy
//who’d given all his money to save her without a second thought. There were
//feelings inside her - guilt, shame, embarrassment, other things as well - but
//no words. There was nothing she knew how to say.

// 14931
//“So,” Harry said abruptly, “I did a quick skim through my psychology books to
//see what they said about post-traumatic stress disorder. The old books said you
//should talk about the experience immediately afterward with a counselor. The
//newer research says that when they actually ran experiments, it turned out that
//talking about it immediately afterward made it worse. Apparently what you
//really ought to do is run with your mind’s natural impulse to repress the
//memories and just not think about it for a while.”

// 14932
//It was so __normal__ for the way she and Harry usually talked that she
//felt a sudden burning in her throat.

// 14933
//__We don’t have to talk about it.__ That was what Harry had just said,
//more or less. It felt like cheating, maybe even like a lie. Nothing
//__was__ normal. Everything wrong was still horribly wrong, everything left
//unsaid still needed to be said…

// 14934
//“Okay,” said Hermione, because there wasn’t anything else to say, anything else
//at all.

// 14935
//“I’m sorry I wasn’t waiting when you woke up,” Harry said, as they started to
//walk. “Madam Pomfrey wouldn’t let me in, so I just stayed out here.” He gave a
//small, sad-looking shrug. “I suppose I should be out there trying to run damage
//control on public relations, but… honestly I’ve never been good at that, I just
//end up speaking sharply at people.”

// 14936
//“How bad is it?” She thought her voice should have come out in a whisper, a
//croak, but it didn’t.

// 14937
//“Well -” Harry said with obvious hesitation. “The thing you’ve got to
//understand, Hermione, is that you had a lot of defenders at breakfast-time
//today, but everyone on your side was… __making stuff up__. Draco tried to
//kill you first, things like that. It was Granger versus Malfoy, that’s how
//people saw it, like a seesaw where pushing his side down meant pushing your
//side up. I told them you were probably __both__ innocent, that you’d both
//been Memory-Charmed. They didn’t listen, both sides treated me like a traitor
//trying to play the middle. And then people heard that Draco had testified under
//Veritaserum that he’d been trying to help you before the battle - stop making
//that expression, Hermione, you didn’t actually do anything to him. Anyway, all
//people understood was that the pro-Malfoy faction had been right and the
//pro-Granger faction had been wrong.” Harry gave a small sigh. “I __told__
//them that when the truth came out later they’d be embarrassed…”

// 14938
//“How bad is it?” she said again. This time her voice did come out weaker.

// 14939
//“Remember Asch’s conformity experiment?” Harry said, turning his head to give
//her a serious look.

// 14940
//Her mind was __slow to remember__ for a few seconds, which frightened her,
//but then the reference came back. In 1951, Solomon Asch had taken some
//experimental subjects, and each one had been put among a row of other people
//who looked like them, seeming like other experimental subjects, but actually
//confederates of the experimenter. They’d shown a reference line on a screen,
//labeled X, next to three other lines, labeled A, B, and C. The experimenter had
//asked which line X was the same length as. The correct answer had obviously
//been C. The other ‘subjects’, the confederates, had one after another said that
//X was the same length as B. The real subject had been put second-to-last in the
//order, so as not to arouse suspicion by being last. The test had been to see
//whether the real subject would ‘conform’ to the standard wrong answer of B, or
//voice the obviously correct answer of C.

// 14941
//75// of the subjects had ‘conformed’ at least once. A third of the subjects had
//conformed more than half the time. Some had reported afterward actually
//believing that X was the same length as B. And that had been in a case where
//the subjects hadn’t known any of the confederates. If you put people around
//others who belonged to the same group as them, like someone in a wheelchair
//next to other people in a wheelchair, the conformity effect got even stronger…

// 14942
//Hermione had a sickening feeling where this was going. “I remember,” she
//whispered.

// 14943
//“I gave the Chaos Legion anti-conformity training, you know. I had each
//Legionnaire stand in the middle and say ‘Twice two is four!’ or ‘Grass is
//green!’ while everyone else in the Chaos Legion called them idiots or sneered
//at them - Allen Flint did really good sneers - or even just gave them blank
//looks and then walked away. The thing you’ve got to remember is, __only__
//the Chaos Legion has ever practiced anything like that. Nobody else in Hogwarts
//even knows what conformity __is.__”

// 14944
//“Harry!” Her voice was wobbling. “How bad __is__ it?”

// 14945
//Harry gave another sad-looking shrug. “Everyone in the second year and above,
//since they don’t know you. Everyone in Dragon Army. All of Slytherin, of
//course. And, well, most of the rest of magical Britain too, I think. Remember,
//Lucius Malfoy controls the __Daily Prophet__.”

// 14946
//“Everyone?” she whispered. Her limbs had started to feel cold, like she’d just
//gotten out of an unheated swimming pool.

// 14947
//“What people really believe doesn’t feel like a __belief__, it feels like
//the way the world __is.__ You and I are standing in a private little
//bubble of the universe where Hermione Granger got Memory-Charmed. Everyone else
//is living in the world where Hermione Granger tried to murder Draco Malfoy. If
//Ernie Macmillian -”

// 14948
//Her breath caught in her throat. __Captain Macmillian -__

// 14949
//“- thinks he’s ethically prohibited from being your friend now, well, he’s
//trying to do the right thing as he understands it, in the world he thinks he
//lives in.” Harry’s eyes were very serious. “Hermione, you’ve told me a lot of
//times that I look down too much on other people. But if I expected too much of
//them - if I expected people to get things __right__ - I really would hate
//them, then. Idealism aside, Hogwarts students don’t __actually__ know
//enough cognitive science to take responsibility for how their own minds work.
//It’s not their fault they’re crazy.” Harry’s voice was strangely gentle, almost
//like an adult’s. “I know it’s going to be harder on you than it would be on me.
//But remember, eventually the real culprit gets nailed. The truth comes out,
//everyone who was confidently wrong gets embarrassed.”

// 14950
//“And if the real culprit doesn’t get caught?” she said in a trembling voice.

// 14951
//__…or if it turns out to be me after all?__

// 14952
//“Then you can leave Hogwarts and go to the Salem Witches’ Institute in
//America.”

// 14953
//“__Leave Hogwarts?__” She’d never even thought of that possibility except
//as an ultimate punishment.

// 14954
//“I… Hermione, I think you might want to do that anyway. Hogwarts isn’t a
//castle, it’s insanity with walls. You __have__ got other options.”

// 14955
//“I’ll…” she stammered. “I’ll have… to think about it…”

// 14956
//Harry nodded. “ At least nobody’s going to try hexing you, not after what the
//Headmaster said at dinner tonight. Oh, and Ron Weasley came up to me, looking
//very serious, and told me that if I saw you first, I should tell you that he’s
//sorry for having thought badly of you, and he’ll never speak ill of you again.”

// 14957
//“__Ron__ believes I’m innocent?” said Hermione.

// 14958
//“Well… he doesn’t think you’re __innocent,__ per se…”

// 14959
//The whole Ravenclaw dorm went silent as the two of them walked in.

// 14960
//Staring at them.

// 14961
//Staring at her.

// 14962
//(She’d had nightmares like this.)

// 14963
//And then, one by one, people looked away from her.

// 14964
//Penelope Clearwater, the 5th-year prefect in charge of first-years, looked away
//slowly and deliberately, turning her head to face in another direction.

// 14965
//Su Li and Lisa Turpin and Michael Corner, all sitting at a table together, all
//of whom she’d helped with their homework at one time or another, all looked
//away, their faces suddenly nervous, the moment she tried to catch their eyes.

// 14966
//A third-year witch named Latisha Randle, whom S.P.H.E.W. had twice saved from
//Slytherin bullies, quickly bent back over her desk and started doing homework
//again.

// 14967
//Mandy Brocklehurst looked away from her.

// 14968
//If Hermione didn’t burst into tears, then, it was only because she’d expected
//it, had played it out in her mind over and over again. At least people weren’t
//screaming at her or shoving her or hexing her. They were just looking away -

// 14969
//Hermione walked very straight up to the staircaise that led toward the
//first-year girl’s dorms. (She didn’t see Padma Patil or Anthony Goldstein
//looking at her, those two lone heads turning to track her as she left.) From
//behind her, she heard Harry Potter saying in a very calm tone, “Now eventually
//the truth’s going to come out, you all. So if you’re all that confident she’s
//guilty, can I ask you all to sign this paper right here, saying that if she
//later turns out to be innocent, she gets to say ‘I told you so’ and then hold
//it over you for the rest of your lives? Step on up, one and all, don’t be
//cowards, if you really believe you shouldn’t be afraid to bet -”

// 14970
//She was halfway up the stairs when she realized that there would be other girls
//inside her dorm room, too.

// 14971
//The stars hadn’t quite come out yet, only one or two of the brightest ones
//visible through the reddish-purple haze of the horizon, though the sun had
//fully sunk.

// 14972
//Hermione’s hands dug into the harsh stone of the parapet guarding the small
//balcony, where she’d ducked out of the stairwell after realizing that -

// 14973
//- __she couldn’t just go back to bed__ -

// 14974
//- the words echoed in her mind like ‘You can’t go home again’ ought to sound.

// 14975
//She stared out at the empty grounds, the fading sunset, the sprouting grass so
//far below.

// 14976
//Tired, she was tired, she couldn’t think now, she needed to sleep. Professor
//Flitwick had told her that she needed to sleep, and there’d been yet another
//potion with her dinner. Maybe that was how wizarding society treated horrible
//traumas to innocent young girls, just made them sleep a lot afterward.

// 14977
//She should go to her room and sleep, but she was afraid to go someplace where
//other people were. Afraid of how they might look at her, or look away.

// 14978
//Fragments of thought chased themselves around a mind too exhausted to finish or
//connect them, as the night fully set in.

// 14979
//__Why -__

// 14980
//__Why did all this happen -__

// 14981
//__Everything was fine a week ago -__

// 14982
//__Why -__

// 14983
//From behind her came the creaky sound of an opening door.

// 14984
//She turned her head and looked.

// 14985
//Professor Quirrell was leaning against the doorway she’d walked through,
//silhouetted like a cardboard cutout by the light of the Hogwarts torches lit
//behind him, in the open door. She couldn’t see his expression, though the
//doorway behind him was bright; his eyes, his face, everything she could see
//from here lay within night’s shadow.

// 14986
//The Defense Professor of Hogwarts, number one on the list of people who
//might’ve done this. She hadn’t even realized she __had__ a suspect list
//until that moment.

// 14987
//The man stood within that doorway, saying nothing; and she couldn’t see his
//eyes. What was he even __doing__ there in the first place -

// 14988
//“Are you here to kill me?” said Hermione Granger.

// 14989
//Professor Quirrell’s head tilted at that.

// 14990
//Then the Defense Professor started toward her, the dark silhouette raising one
//hand slowly and deliberately, as though to push her off the Ravenclaw tower -

// 14991
//“__Stupefy!__”

// 14992
//The burst of adrenaline overrode everything, she drew her wand without
//thinking, her lips formed the word of their own accord, the stunbolt leapt out
//of her wand and -

// 14993
//- __slowed to a stop__ in front of Professor Quirrell’s raised hand,
  //rippling in midair like it was still trying to fly and making a slight
//hissing sound.

// 14994
//The red glow illuminated Professor Quirrell’s face for the first time, showing
//a strange fond smile.

// 14995
//“Better,” said Professor Quirrell. “Miss Granger, you are still a student in my
//Defense class. As such, if you consider me a threat, I do not expect you to
//just look at me sadly and ask if I am there to kill you. Minus two Quirrell
//points.”

// 14996
//She was entirely unable to form words.

// 14997
//The Defense Professor flicked his forefinger casually at the suspended
//stunbolt, sending the hex shooting back over her head, far into the night, so
//that they stood again in darkness. Then Professor Quirrell walked out of the
//doorway, which swung shut behind him; and a soft white light sprung up around
//the two of them, so that she could see his face once more, still with that
//strange fond smile.

// 14998
//“What are you - what are you __doing__ here?”

// 14999
//A few more steps took Professor Quirrell to a higher part of the balcony’s
//ramparts, where he put his elbows down on the stone, and leaned over heavily,
//looking up into the night.

// 15000
//“I came here straight upon being released by the Aurors, the moment I finished
//reporting to the Headmaster,” said Professor Quirrell in a quiet voice,
//“because I am your teacher, and you are my student, and I am responsible for
//you.”

// 15001
//Hermione understood, then; remembering what Professor Quirrell had said to
//Harry in the second Defense lesson of the year, about controlling his anger.
//She felt the flush of shame all the way down her chest. It took a moment after
//that for knowledge to override mortification, for her to force out the words -

// 15002
//“I -” said Hermione. “Harry thinks - that I __didn’t__ - lose my temper, I
//mean -”

// 15003
//“So I heard,” said Professor Quirrell in rather dry tones. He shook his head,
//as though at the stars themselves. “The boy is fortunate that I have crossed
//the line from annoyance with his self-destructiveness, into sheer curiosity as
//to what he shall do next. But I agree with Mr. Potter’s assessment of the
//facts. This murder was well-planned to evade detection both by the wards of
//Hogwarts and the Headmaster’s timely eye. Naturally, in such a thoughtful
//murder, some innocent would be placed to take the blame.” A brief, wry smile
//crossed the Defense Professor’s lips, though he wasn’t looking at her. “As for
//the notion that you did it yourself - I consider myself a talented teacher, but
//even I could not teach such murderous intent to a student as obstinate and
//untalented as Hermione Granger.”

// 15004
//The part of her brain that said __What?__ in indignation wasn’t anywhere
//near loud enough to reach her lips.

// 15005
//“No…” said Professor Quirrell. “That is not why I am here. You have made no
//effort to hide your dislike for me, Miss Granger. I thank you for that lack of
//pretense, for I much prefer true hate to false love. But you are still my
//student, and I have a word to say to you, if you will hear it.”

// 15006
//Hermione looked at him, still fighting down the aftereffects of the adrenaline
//from before. The Defense Professor seemed to be just staring up at the dark
//sky, in which the stars were becoming visible.

// 15007
//“I was going to be a hero, once,” said Professor Quirrell, still looking
//upward. “Can you believe that, Miss Granger?”

// 15008
//“No.”

// 15009
//“Thank you again, Miss Granger. It is true nonetheless. Long ago, long before
//your time or Harry Potter’s, there was a man who was hailed as a savior. The
//destined scion, such a one as anyone would recognize from tales, wielding
//justice and vengeance like twin wands against his dreadful nemesis.” Professor
//Quirrell gave a soft, bitter laugh, looking up at the night sky. “Do you know,
//Miss Granger, at that time I thought myself already cynical, and yet… well.”

// 15010
//The silence stretched, in the cold and the night.

// 15011
//“In all honesty,” said Professor Quirrell, looking up at the stars, “I still
//don’t understand it. They should have known that their lives depended on that
//man’s success. And yet it was as if they tried to do everything they could to
//make his life __unpleasant.__ To throw every possible obstacle into his
//way. I was not naive, Miss Granger, I did not expect the power-holders to align
//themselves with me so quickly - not without something in it for themselves. But
//their power, too, was threatened; and so I was shocked how they seemed content
//to step back, and leave to that man all burdens of responsibility. They sneered
//at his performance, remarking among themselves how they would do better in his
//place, though they did not condescend to step forward.” Professor Quirrell
//shook his head as though in bemusement. “And it was the strangest thing - the
//Dark Wizard, that man’s dread nemesis - why, those who served __him__
//leapt eagerly to their tasks. The Dark Wizard grew crueler toward his
//followers, and they followed him all the more. Men fought for the chance to
//serve __him__, even as those whose lives depended on that other man made
//free to render his life difficult… I could not understand it, Miss Granger.”
//Professor Quirrell’s face was in shadow, as he looked upward. “Perhaps, by
//taking on himself the curse of action, that man removed it from all others? Was
//that why they felt free to hinder his battle against the Dark Wizard who would
//have enslaved them all? Believing men would act in their own interest was not
//cynicism, it turned out, but sheerest optimism; in reality men do not meet so
//high a standard. And so in time that one realized he might do better fighting
//the Dark Wizard alone, than with such followers at his back.”

// 15012
//“So -” Hermione’s voice sounded strange in the night. “You left your friends
//behind where they’d be safe, and tried to attack the Dark Wizard all by
//yourself?”

// 15013
//“Why, no,” said Professor Quirrell. “I stopped trying to be a hero, and went
//off to do something else I found more pleasant.”

// 15014
//“__What?__” said Hermione without thinking at all. “That’s
//__horrible!__”

// 15015
//The Defense Professor turned his head down from the sky to regard her; and she
//saw, in the light of the doorway, that he was smiling - or at least half his
//face was smiling. “Are you going to tell me, Miss Granger, that I am an awful
//person? Well, perhaps I am. But then are people who never even try to be heroes
//still worse? If I had never done anything at all, like them, would you have
//thought better of me?”

// 15016
//Hermione opened her mouth and then found that, once again, she didn’t have
//anything to say. It wasn’t right to walk away from being a hero, you couldn’t
//just __do__ that, but she didn’t __want__ to say that everyone who
//wasn’t a hero was nothing, that was Quirrell-thinking…

// 15017
//The smile, or half-smile, had disappeared. “You were foolish,” the Defense
//Professor said quietly, “to expect any lasting gratitude from those you tried
//to protect, once you named yourself a heroine. Just as you expected that man to
//go on being a hero, and called him horrible for stopping, when a thousand
//others never lifted a finger. It was only __expected__ that you should
//fight bullies. It was a tax you owed, and they accepted it like princes, with a
//sneer for the lateness of your payment. And you have already witnessed, I
//wager, that their fondness vanished like dust in the wind once it was no longer
//in their interest to associate with you…”

// 15018
//The Defense Professor slowly straightened off the balcony, standing almost
//straight, turning to regard her fully.

// 15019
//“But you don’t have to be a hero, Miss Granger,” said Professor Quirrell. “You
//can stop anytime you please.”

// 15020
//That idea…

// 15021
//…__had__ occurred to her before, several times over the last two days.

// 15022
//__People become who they are meant to be, by doing what is right,__
//Headmaster Dumbledore had told her. The trouble was that there seemed to be two
//different right things to do. There was the part of her which said that
//__right__ was to go on being a heroine, and stay at Hogwarts, she didn’t
//know what was going on but a heroine wouldn’t just run away.

// 15023
//And there was also the voice of common sense saying that young children
//shouldn’t ever stay around danger, that was what adults were for; the voice of
//every school poster that said not to take candy from strangers. That was also
//right.

// 15024
//Hermione Granger stood there on that balcony, looking at Professor Quirrell
//silhouetted by the emerging stars, and she didn’t understand; she didn’t
//understand how the Defense Professor could be gazing at her with his face
//showing concern; she didn’t understand the notes of pain in the Defense
//Professor’s voice that caught at her; she didn’t understand __why__ she
//was being told all this.

// 15025
//“You don’t even like me, Professor,” said Hermione.

// 15026
//A small smile flickered on Professor Quirrell’s face. “I suppose I could go on
//about how I am angered that this affair has taken up my valuable time and
//disrupted my Defense classes. But mostly, Miss Granger, you are my student, and
//whatever other professions I may have once held, I think I have been a good
//teacher at Hogwarts, have I not?” Suddenly Professor Quirrell’s eyes seemed
//very tired. “As your teacher, then, I am advising you that you have other
//career options. I should not like to see anyone else going down my path.”

// 15027
//Hermione swallowed. It was a side of Professor Quirrell she’d never seen or
//imagined, and it was eating away at her preconceptions.

// 15028
//Professor Quirrell watched her for a moment, and then looked away from her
//again, back up at the stars. When he spoke this time his voice was quieter.
//“Someone here is targeting you, Miss Granger, and I cannot ward you as I warded
//Mr. Malfoy. The Headmaster has prevented it, for what he claims to be good
//reasons. It is easy to become fond of Hogwarts, I know, for I am fond of it as
//well. But in France they take a different view of the Ancient Houses than in
//Britain; and Beauxbatons would not mistreat you, I think. Whatever else you
//imagine of me, I swear that if you asked me to see you safely in Beauxbatons, I
//would do all in my power to convey you there.”

// 15029
//“I can’t just -” Hermione said.

// 15030
//“But you __can,__ Miss Granger.” Now the pale blue eyes watched her
//intently. “Whatever you wish to make of your life, you cannot attain it at
//Hogwarts, not anymore. This place is ruined for you now, even leaving aside all
//other threats. Simply ask Harry Potter to command you to go to Beauxbatons and
//live out your life in peace. If you stay here, he is your master in the eyes of
//Britain and its laws!”

// 15031
//She hadn’t even been thinking about that, it paled so much in comparison to
//being eaten by Dementors; it had been important to her before, but now it all
//seemed childish, unimportant, pointless, so why were her eyes burning?

// 15032
//“And if that fails to move you, Miss Granger, consider also that Mr. Potter
//has, just today at lunchtime, threatened Lucius Malfoy, Albus Dumbledore, and
//the entire Wizengamot because he cannot think sensibly when something threatens
//to take you from him. Are you not frightened of what he will do next?”

// 15033
//It made sense. Terrible sense. Dreadful awful sense.

// 15034
//It made __too much__ sense -

// 15035
//She couldn’t have described it in words, what triggered the realization, unless
//it was the sheer __pressure__ that the Defense Professor was exerting on
//her.

// 15036
//That if the Defense Professor __was__ behind this whole thing - then
//Professor Quirrell had done it all __just to get her out of the way of
//his plans for Harry.__

// 15037
//Without any conscious decision, she shifted her weight to the other foot, her
//body moving away from the Defense Professor -

// 15038
//“So you think I am the one responsible?” said Professor Quirrell. His voice
//sounded a little sad as he said it, and her own heart almost stopped from
//hearing it. “I suppose I cannot blame you. I am the Defense Professor of
//Hogwarts, after all. But Miss Granger, even __assuming__ that I am your
//enemy, common sense should still tell you to get away from me __very
//quickly__. You cannot use the Killing Curse, so the correct tactic is to
//Apparate away. I do not mind being the villain of your imagination if it makes
//matters clearer. Leave Hogwarts, and leave me to those who can handle me. I
//will arrange for the transportation to be through some family of good repute,
//and Mr. Potter will know to blame me if you do not arrive safely.”

// 15039
//“I -” She was feeling cold, the night air chilling her skin, or maybe being
//chilled by it. “I’ve got to think about it -”

// 15040
//Professor Quirrell shook his head. “No, Miss Granger. Your departure will take
//time for me to arrange, and I have less time left than you may think. This
//decision may be painful for you, but it should not be ambiguous; much weighs in
//the balance of these scales, but not evenly. I must know tonight whether you
//intend to go.”

// 15041
//__And if not -__

// 15042
//Was the Defense Professor warning her deliberately? That if she didn’t run, he
//would strike again?

// 15043
//Why would it matter so much, what did Professor Quirrell want to __do__
//with Harry?

// 15044
//__Hermione Granger, I shall be less subtle than is usual for a mysterious
//old wizard, and tell you outright that you cannot ____imagine____ how
//badly things could go if the events surrounding Harry Potter turn to ill.__

// 15045
//The most powerful wizard in the world had told her that, when he was talking
//about how important it was that she __not__ stop being Harry’s friend.

// 15046
//Hermione swallowed, she swayed a little where she stood, on the stone balcony
//of a magical castle. Suddenly the whole deadly absurdity of the situation
//seemed to rise up and grab her by the throat, that twelve-year-old girls
//__shouldn’t__ be in danger, __shouldn’t__ be thinking about such
//things, that Mum would want her to RUN AWAY and her father would have a heart
//attack if he even knew she was being faced with the question.

// 15047
//And she knew, then, as Harry and Dumbledore had both tried to warn her, that
//everything she’d ever thought about being a heroine had been mistaken. That
//there wasn’t really any such thing as heroes, outside of stories. There was
//just horrible danger, and being arrested by Aurors and put in cells next to
//Dementors, pain and fear and -

// 15048
//“Miss Granger?” said the Defense Professor.

// 15049
//She said nothing. All the words were blocked in her throat.

// 15050
//“I need a decision, Miss Granger.”

// 15051
//She kept her jaw locked, didn’t let any words come out.

// 15052
//Finally the Defense Professor sighed. Slowly the white light failed, and slowly
//the door behind him swung open, so that he was once again a black silhouette
//against the opening. “Good night, Miss Granger,” he said, and turned his back
//to her, and walked away into Hogwarts.

// 15053
//It took a while for her breathing to slow down again. Whatever had happened
//here tonight, it didn’t feel anything like victory. She’d fought so hard just
//to stop herself from saying __Yes__ in the face of the Defense Professor’s
//pressure, and now she didn’t even know if she’d done the right thing.

// 15054
//When she walked back into the light herself (after exhaustion had overtaken
//everything and sleep was once more a possibility), she thought she heard it as
//she was within the doorway, from behind her and above her, a distant cawing
//cry.

// 15055
//But it wasn’t meant for her, she knew, so she started climbing up the stairs
//toward her dorm room.

// 15056
//The other girls were probably asleep by now, and wouldn’t look at her, or look
//away -

// 15057
//She felt the tears start, and this time she didn’t stop them.