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// 2305
//== Lateral Thinking

// 2306
//The enemy’s gate is Rowling.

// 2307
//__I’m not a psychopath, I’m just very creative.__

// 2308
//As soon as he walked into the Defence classroom on Wednesday, Harry knew that
//__this__ subject was going to be __different__.

// 2309
//It was, for a start, the largest classroom he had yet seen at Hogwarts, akin to
//a major university classroom, with layered tiers of desks facing a gigantic
//flat stage of white marble. The classroom was high up in the castle - on the
//fifth floor - and Harry knew that was as much explanation as he’d get for where
//a room like this was supposed to fit. It was becoming clear that Hogwarts
//simply did not __have__ a geometry, Euclidean or otherwise; it had
//connections, not directions.

// 2310
//Unlike a university hall, there weren’t rows of folding seats; instead there
//were quite ordinary Hogwarts wooden desks and wooden chairs, lined up in a
//curve across each level of the classroom. Except that each desk had a flat,
//white, rectangular, mysterious object propped up on it.

// 2311
//In the center of the gigantic platform, on a small raised dais of darker
//marble, was a lone teacher’s desk. At which Quirrell sat slumped over in his
//chair, head lolled back, drooling slightly over his robes.

// 2312
//__Now what does that remind me of…?__

// 2313
//Harry had arrived at the lesson so early that no other students were there yet.
//(The English language was defective when it came to describing time travel; in
//particular, English lacked any words capable of expressing how convenient it
//was.) Quirrell didn’t seem to be… functional… at the moment, and Harry didn’t
//particularly feel like approaching Quirrell anyway.

// 2314
//Harry selected a desk, climbed up to it, sat down, and retrieved the Defence
//textbook. He was around seven-eighths of the way through - he’d planned on
//finishing the book before this lesson, actually, but he was running behind
//schedule and had already used the Time-Turner twice today.

// 2315
//Soon there were sounds as the classroom began to fill up. Harry ignored them.

// 2316
//“Potter? What are __you__ doing here?”

// 2317
//__That__ voice didn’t belong here. Harry looked up. “Draco? What are
//__you__ doing in oh my god you have __minions__.”

// 2318
//One of the lads standing behind Draco seemed to have rather a lot of muscle for
//an eleven-year-old, and the other was poised in a suspiciously balanced-looking
//stance.

// 2319
//The white-blonde-haired boy smiled rather smugly and gestured behind him.
//“Potter, I introduce to you Mr. Crabbe,” his hand moved from Muscles to
//Balance, “Mr. Goyle. Vincent, Gregory, this is Harry Potter.”

// 2320
//Mr. Goyle tilted his head and gave Harry a look that was probably supposed to
//mean something but ended up just looking squinty. Mr. Crabbe said “Please to
//meetcha” in a tone that sounded like he was trying to lower his voice as far as
//it could go.

// 2321
//A fleeting expression of consternation crossed Draco’s face, but was quickly
//replaced by his superior grin.

// 2322
//“You have __minions!__” Harry repeated. “Where do __I__ get minions?”

// 2323
//Draco’s smirk grew wider. “I’m afraid, Potter, that the first step is to be
//Sorted into Slytherin -”

// 2324
//“What? That’s not fair!”

// 2325
//“- and then for your families to have an arrangement from before you were
//born.”

// 2326
//Harry looked at Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle. They both seemed to be trying very
//hard to loom. That is, they were leaning forwards, hunching over their
//shoulders, sticking their necks out and staring at him.

// 2327
//“Um… hold on,” said Harry. “This was arranged __years__ ago?”

// 2328
//“Exactly, Potter. I’m afraid you’re out of luck.”

// 2329
//Mr. Goyle produced a toothpick and began cleaning his teeth, still looming.

// 2330
//“And,” said Harry, “Lucius insisted that you were __not__ to grow up
//knowing your bodyguards, and that you were only to meet them on your first day
//of school.”

// 2331
//That wiped the grin from Draco’s face. “Yes, Potter, we all know you’re
//brilliant, the whole school knows by now, you can stop showing off -”

// 2332
//“So they’ve been told their __whole lives__ that they’re going to be your
//minions and they’ve spent __years__ imagining what minions are supposed to
//be like -”

// 2333
//Draco winced.

// 2334
//“- and what’s worse, they __do__ know __each other__ and they’ve been
//__practising__ -”

// 2335
//“The boss told ya to shut it,” rumbled Mr. Crabbe. Mr. Goyle bit down on his
//toothpick, holding it between his teeth, and used one hand to crack the
//knuckles on the other.

// 2336
//__“I told you not to do this in front of Harry Potter!”__

// 2337
//The two looked a bit sheepish and Mr. Goyle quickly put the toothpick back in a
//pocket of his robes.

// 2338
//But the moment Draco turned away from them to face Harry again, they went back
//to looming.

// 2339
//“I apologise,” Draco said stiffly, “for the insult which these
//__imbeciles__ have offered you.”

// 2340
//Harry gave a meaningful look to Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle. “I’d say you’re being
//a little harsh on them, Draco. __I__ think they’re acting exactly the way
//I’d want __my__ minions to act. I mean, if I had any minions.”

// 2341
//Draco’s jaw dropped.

// 2342
//“Hey, Gregory, you don’ think he’s tryna lure us away from the boss, do ya?”

// 2343
//“I’m sure Mr. Potter wouldn’t be that foolish.”

// 2344
//“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it,” Harry said smoothly. “It’s just something to keep
//in mind if your current employer seems unappreciative. Besides, it never hurts
//to have other offers while you’re negotiating your working conditions, right?”

// 2345
//“What’s __he__ doin’ in Ravenclaw?”

// 2346
//“I can’t imagine, Mr. Crabbe.”

// 2347
//“Both of you __shut up__,” Draco said through gritted teeth. “That’s an
//__order__.” With a visible effort, he transferred his attention to Harry
//again. “Anyway, what’re you doing in the Slytherin Defence class?”

// 2348
//Harry frowned. “Hold on.” His hand went into his pouch. “Timetable.” He looked
//over the parchment. “Defence, 2:30pm, and right now it’s…” Harry looked at his
//mechanical watch, which read 11:23. “2:23, unless I’ve lost track of time. Did
//I?” If he had, well, Harry knew how to get to whatever lesson he was
//__supposed__ to be at. God he loved his Time-Turner and someday, when he
//was old enough, they would get married.

// 2349
//“No, that sounds right,” Draco said, looking puzzled. His gaze turned to look
//over the rest of the auditorium, which was filling with green-trimmed robes
//and…

// 2350
//“__Gryffindorks!__” spat Draco. “What’re __they__ doing here?”

// 2351
//“Hm,” Harry said. “Professor Quirrell did say… I forget his exact words… that
//he would be ignoring some of the Hogwarts teaching conventions. Maybe he just
//combined all his classes.”

// 2352
//“Huh,” said Draco. “You’re the first Ravenclaw in here.”

// 2353
//“Yup. Got here early.”

// 2354
//“What’re you doing all the way in the back row, then?”

// 2355
//Harry blinked. “I dunno, seemed like a good place to sit?”

// 2356
//Draco made a scoffing sound. “You couldn’t get any further away from the
//teacher if you tried.” The blonde-haired boy leaned slightly closer. “Anyway,
//is it true about what you said to Derrick and his crew?”

// 2357
//“Who’s Derrick?”

// 2358
//“You hit him with a pie?”

// 2359
//“Two pies, actually. What am I supposed to have said to him?”

// 2360
//“That he wasn’t doing anything cunning or ambitious and he was a disgrace to
//Salazar Slytherin.” Draco was staring intently at Harry.

// 2361
//“That… sounds about right,” Harry said. “I think it was more like, ‘is this
//some kind of incredibly clever plot that will gain you a future advantage or is
//it really as much of a disgrace to the memory of Salazar Slytherin as it looks
//like’ or something like that. I don’t remember the exact words.”

// 2362
//“You’re confusing everyone, you know,” said the blonde-haired boy.

// 2363
//“Huh?” Harry said in honest confusion.

// 2364
//“Warrington said that spending a long time under the Sorting Hat is one of the
//warning signs of a major Dark Wizard. Everyone was talking about it, wondering
//if they should start sucking up to you just in case. Then you went and
//protected a bunch of __Hufflepuffs,__ for Merlin’s sake. __Then__ you
//told Derrick he’s a disgrace to Salazar Slytherin’s memory! What’s anyone
//__supposed__ to think?”

// 2365
//“That the Sorting Hat decided to put me in the House of ‘Slytherin! Just
//kidding! Ravenclaw!’ and I’ve been acting accordingly.”

// 2366
//Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle both giggled, causing Mr. Goyle to quickly clap a hand
//to his mouth.

// 2367
//“We’d better go get our seats,” Draco said. He hesitated, straightened a bit,
//spoke a bit more fomally. “But I do want to continue our last conversation and
//I accept your conditions.”

// 2368
//Harry nodded. “Would you mind terribly if I waited until Saturday afternoon?
//I’m in a bit of a contest right now.”

// 2369
//“A contest?”

// 2370
//“See if I can read all my textbooks as fast as Hermione Granger did.”

// 2371
//“Granger,” Draco echoed. His eyes narrowed. “The mudblood who thinks she’s
//Merlin? If you’re trying to show __her__ up then all Slytherin wishes you
//the __very__ best luck, Potter, and I won’t bother you ‘til Saturday.”
//Draco inclined his head respectfully, and wandered off, tailed by his minions.

// 2372
//__Oh, this is going to be __so__ much fun to juggle, I can already
//tell.__

// 2373
//The classroom was filling up rapidly now with all four colors of trim: green,
//red, yellow, and blue. Draco and his two friends seemed to be in the midst of
//trying to acquire three contiguous front-row seats - already occupied, of
//course. Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle were looming vigorously, but it didn’t seem to
//be having much effect.

// 2374
//Harry bent over his Defence textbook and continued reading.

// 2375
//At 2:35PM, when most of the seats were taken and no one else seemed to be
//coming in, Professor Quirrell gave a sudden jerk in his chair and sat up
//straight, and his face appeared on all the flat, white rectangular objects that
//were propped up on the students’ desks.

// 2376
//Harry was taken by surprise, both by the sudden appearance of Professor
//Quirrell’s face and by the resemblance to Muggle television. There was
//something both nostalgic and sad about that, it seemed so much like a piece of
//home and yet it wasn’t really…

// 2377
//“Good afternoon, my young apprentices,” said Professor Quirrell. His voice
//seemed to come from the desk screen and to be speaking directly to Harry.
//“Welcome to your first lesson in Battle Magic, as the founders of Hogwarts
//would have put it; or, as it happens to be called in the late twentieth
//century, Defence Against the Dark Arts.”

// 2378
//There was a certain amount of frantic scrabbling as students, taken by
//surprise, reached for their parchment or notebooks.

// 2379
//“No,” Professor Quirrell said. “Don’t bother writing down what this subject was
//once called. No such pointless question will count toward your marks in any of
//my lessons. That is a promise.”

// 2380
//Many students sat straight up at that, looking rather shocked.

// 2381
//Professor Quirrell was smiling thinly. “Those of you who have wasted time by
//reading your useless first-year Defence textbooks -”

// 2382
//Someone made a choking sound. Harry wondered if it was Hermione.

// 2383
//“- may have gotten the impression that although this subject is called Defence
//Against the Dark Arts, it is actually about how to defend against Nightmare
//Butterflies, which cause mildly bad dreams, or Acid Slugs, which can dissolve
//all the way through a two-inch wooden beam given most of a day.”

// 2384
//Professor Quirrell stood up, shoving his chair back from the desk. The screen
//on Harry’s desk followed his every move. Professor Quirrell strode towards the
//front of the classroom, and bellowed:

// 2385
//“The Hungarian Horntail is taller than a dozen men! It breathes fire so quickly
//and so accurately that it can melt a Snitch in midflight! One Killing Curse
//will bring it down!”

// 2386
//There were gasps from the students.

// 2387
//“The Mountain Troll is more dangerous than the Hungarian Horntail! It is strong
//enough to bite through steel! Its hide is resistant enough to withstand
//Stunning Hexes and Cutting Charms! Its sense of smell is so acute that it can
//tell from afar whether its prey is part of a pack, or alone and vulnerable!
//Most fearsome of all, the troll is unique among magical creatures in
//continuously maintaining a form of Transfiguration on itself - it is always
//transforming into its own body. If you somehow succeed in ripping off its arm
//it will grow another within seconds! Fire and acid will produce scar tissue
//which can temporarily confuse a troll’s regenerative powers - for an hour or
//two! They are smart enough to use clubs as tools! The mountain troll is the
//third most perfect killing machine in all Nature! One Killing Curse will bring
//it down.”

// 2388
//The students were looking rather shocked.

// 2389
//Professor Quirrell was smiling rather grimly. “Your sad excuse for a third-year
//Defence textbook will suggest to you that you expose the mountain troll to
//sunlight, which will freeze it in place. This, my young apprentices, is the
//sort of useless knowledge you will never find in my lessons. You do not
//encounter mountain trolls in open daylight! The idea that you should use
//sunlight to stop them is the result of foolish textbook authors trying to show
//off their mastery of minutia at the expense of practicality. Just because there
//is a ridiculously obscure way of dealing with mountain trolls does not mean you
//should actually try to use it! The Killing Curse is unblockable, unstoppable,
//and works every single time on anything with a brain. If, as an adult wizard,
//you find yourself incapable of using the Killing Curse, then you can simply
//Apparate away! Likewise if you are facing the second most perfect killing
//machine, a Dementor. You just Apparate away!”

// 2390
//“Unless, of course,” Professor Quirrell said, his voice now lower and harder,
//“you are under the influence of an anti-Apparition jinx. No, there is exactly
//one monster which can threaten you once you are fully grown. The single most
//dangerous monster in all the world, so dangerous that nothing else comes close.
//The Dark Wizard. That is the only thing that will still be able to threaten
//you.”

// 2391
//Professor Quirrell’s lips were set in a thin line. “I will reluctantly teach
//you enough trivia for a passing mark on the Ministry-mandated portions of your
//first-year finals. Since your exact mark on these sections will make no
//difference to your future life, anyone who wants more than a passing mark is
//welcome to waste their own time studying our pathetic excuse for a textbook.
//The title of this subject is not Defence Against Minor Pests. You are here to
//learn how to defend yourselves against the Dark Arts. Which means, let us be
//very clear on this, defending yourselves against Dark Wizards. People with
//wands who want to hurt you and who will likely succeed in doing so unless you
//hurt them first! There is no defence without offence! There is no defence
//without fighting! This reality is deemed too harsh for eleven-year-olds by the
//fat, overpaid, Auror-guarded politicians who mandated your curriculum. To the
//abyss with those fools! You are here for the subject that has been taught at
//Hogwarts for eight hundred years! Welcome to your first year of Battle Magic!”

// 2392
//Harry started applauding. He couldn’t help himself, it was too inspiring.

// 2393
//Once Harry started clapping there was some scattered response from Gryffindor,
//and more from Slytherin, but most students simply seemed too stunned to react.

// 2394
//Professor Quirrell made a cutting gesture, and the applause died instantly.
//“Thank you very much,” said Professor Quirrell. “Now to practicalities. I have
//combined all my first-year Battle classes into one, which allows me to offer
//you twice as much classroom time as Doubles sessions -”

// 2395
//There were gasps of horror.

// 2396
//“- an increased load which I will make up to you by not assigning any
//homework.”

// 2397
//The gasps of horror cut off abruptly.

// 2398
//“Yes, you heard me correctly. I will teach you to fight, not to write twelve
//inches on fighting due Monday.”

// 2399
//Harry desperately wished he’d sat next to Hermione so he could see the look on
//her face now, but on the other hand he was pretty sure he was imagining it
//accurately.

// 2400
//Also Harry was in love. It would be a three-way wedding: him, the Time-Turner,
//and Professor Quirrell.

// 2401
//“For those of you who so choose, I have arranged some after-school activities
//that I think you will find quite interesting as well as educational. Do you
//want to show the world your __own__ abilities instead of watching fourteen
//other people play Quidditch? More than seven people can fight in an army.”

// 2402
//Hot __damn.__

// 2403
//“These and other after-school activities will also earn you Quirrell points.
//What are Quirrell points, you ask? The House point system does not suit my
//needs, because it makes House points too rare. I prefer to let my students know
//how they are doing more frequently than that. And on the rare occasions I offer
//you a written test, it will mark itself as you go along, and if you get too
//many related questions wrong, your test will show the names of students who got
//those questions right, and those students will be able to earn Quirrell points
//by helping you.”

// 2404
//…wow. Why didn’t the other professors use a system like that?

// 2405
//“What good are Quirrell points, you wonder? For a start, ten Quirrell points
//will be worth one House point. But they will earn you other favors as well.
//Would you like to take your exam at an unusual time? Is there a particular
//session you would very much prefer to skip? You will find that I can be very
//flexible on behalf of students who have accumulated enough Quirrell points.
//Quirrell points will control the generalship of the armies. And for Christmas -
//just before the Christmas break - I will grant someone a wish. Any
//school-related feat that lies within my power, my influence, or above all, my
//ingenuity. Yes, I was in Slytherin and I am offering to formulate a cunning
//plot on your behalf, if that is what it takes to accomplish your desire. This
//wish will go to whoever has earned the most Quirrell points within all seven
//years.”

// 2406
//That would be Harry.

// 2407
//“Now leave your books and loose items at your desks - they will be safe, the
//screens will watch over them for you - and come down onto this platform. It’s
//time to play a game called Who’s the Most Dangerous Student in the Classroom.”

// 2408
//Harry twisted his wand in his right hand and said “__Ma-ha-su!__”

// 2409
//There was another high-pitched “bing” from the floating blue sphere that
//Professor Quirrell had assigned to Harry as his target. That particular sound
//meant a perfect strike, which Harry had been gotten on nine out of his last ten
//attempts.

// 2410
//Somewhere Professor Quirrell had dug up a spell that was incredibly easy to
//pronounce, __and__ had a ridiculously simple wand motion, __and__ had
//a tendency to hit wherever you were currently looking at. Professor Quirrell
//had disdainfully proclaimed that real battle magic was far more difficult than
//this. That the hex was entirely useless in actual combat. That it was a barely
//ordered burst of magic whose only real content was the aiming, and that it
//would produce, when it hit, a pain briefly equivalent to being punched hard in
//the nose. That the sole purpose of this test was to see who was a fast learner,
//since Professor Quirrell was certain no one would have previously encountered
//this hex or anything like it.

// 2411
//Harry didn’t care about any of that.

// 2412
//“__Ma-ha-su!__”

// 2413
//A __red bolt of energy__ shot out of his wand and struck the target and
//the blue sphere once again made the bing which meant the spell had
//__actually worked for him.__

// 2414
//Harry was feeling like a real wizard for the first time since he’d come to
//Hogwarts. He wished the target would dodge like the little spheres that Ben
//Kenobi had used for training Luke, but for some reason Professor Quirrell had
//instead lined up all the students and targets in neat orders which made sure
//they wouldn’t fire on each other.

// 2415
//So Harry lowered his wand, skipped to the right, snapped up his wand and
//twisted and shouted “__Ma-ha-su!__”

// 2416
//There was a lower-pitched “dong” which meant he’d gotten it almost right.

// 2417
//Harry put his wand into his pocket, skipped back to the left and drew and fired
//another red bolt of energy.

// 2418
//The high-pitched bing which resulted was easily one of the most satisfying
//sounds he’d heard in his life. Harry wanted to scream in triumph at the top of
//his lungs. __I CAN DO MAGIC! FEAR ME, LAWS OF PHYSICS, I’M COMING TO
//VIOLATE YOU!__

// 2419
//“__Ma-ha-su!__” Harry’s voice was loud, but hardly noticeable over the
//steady chant of similar cries from around the classroom platform.

// 2420
//“Enough,” said Professor Quirrell’s amplified voice. (It didn’t sound loud. It
//sounded like normal volume, coming from just behind your left shoulder, no
//matter where you were standing relative to Professor Quirrell.) “I see that all
//of you have succeeded at least once now.” The target-spheres turned red and
//began to drift up towards the ceiling.

// 2421
//Professor Quirrell was standing on the raised dais in the center of the
//platform, leaning slightly on his teacher’s desk with one hand.

// 2422
//“I told you,” Professor Quirrell said, “that we would play a game called Who’s
//the Most Dangerous Student in the Classroom. There is one student in this
//classroom who mastered the Sumerian Simple Strike Hex faster than anyone else
//-”

// 2423
//Oh blah blah blah.

// 2424
//“- and went on to help seven other students. For which she has earned the first
//seven Quirrell points awarded to your year. Come forth, Hermione Granger. It is
//time for the next stage of the game.”

// 2425
//Hermione Granger began striding forwards, a mixed look of triumph and
//apprehension on her face. The Ravenclaws looked on proudly, the Slytherins with
//glares, and Harry with frank annoyance. Harry had done fine this time. He was
//probably even in the upper half of the class, now that everyone had been faced
//with an equally unfamiliar spell and Harry had read all the way through
//Adalbert Waffling’s __Magical Theory__. And yet __Hermione was still
//doing better__.

// 2426
//Somewhere in the back of his mind was the fear that Hermione was simply smarter
//than him.

// 2427
//But for now Harry was going to pin his hopes on the known facts that (a)
//Hermione had read a lot more than the standard textbooks and (b) Adalbert
//Waffling was an uninspired sod who’d written __Magical Theory__ to pander
//to a school board that didn’t think much of eleven-year-olds.

// 2428
//Hermione reached the central dais and stepped up.

// 2429
//“Hermione Granger mastered a completely unfamiliar spell in two minutes, almost
//a full minute faster than the next runner-up.” Professor Quirrell turned slowly
//in place to look at all the students watching them. “Could Miss Granger’s
//intelligence make her the most dangerous student in the classroom? Well? What
//do you think?”

// 2430
//No one seemed to be thinking anything at the moment. Even Harry wasn’t sure
//what to say.

// 2431
//“Let’s find out, shall we?” said Professor Quirrell. He turned back to
//Hermione, and gestured toward the wider class. “Select any student you like and
//cast the Simple Strike Hex on them.”

// 2432
//Hermione froze where she stood.

// 2433
//“Come now,” Professor Quirrell said smoothly. “You have cast this spell
//perfectly over fifty times. It is not permanently harmful or even all that
//painful. It hurts as much as a hard punch and lasts only a few seconds.”
//Professor Quirrell’s voice grew harder. “This is a direct order from your
//professor, Miss Granger. Choose a target and fire a Simple Strike Hex.”

// 2434
//Hermione’s face was screwed up in horror and her wand was trembling in her
//hand. Harry’s own fingers were clenching his own wand hard in sympathy. Even
//though he could see what Professor Quirrell was trying to do. Even though he
//could see the point Professor Quirrell was trying to make.

// 2435
//“If you do __not__ raise your wand and fire, Miss Granger, you will lose a
//Quirrell point.”

// 2436
//Harry stared at Hermione, willing her to look in his direction. His right hand
//was softly tapping his own chest. __Pick me, I’m not afraid…__

// 2437
//Hermione’s wand twitched in her hand; then her face relaxed, and she lowered
//her wand to her side.

// 2438
//“No,” said Hermione Granger.

// 2439
//Her voice was calm, and even though it wasn’t loud, everyone heard it in the
//silence.

// 2440
//“Then I must deduct one point from you,” said Professor Quirrell. “This is a
//test, and you have failed it.”

// 2441
//That reached her. Harry could see it. But she kept her shoulders straight.

// 2442
//Professor Quirrell’s voice was sympathetic and seemed to fill the whole room.
//“Knowing things isn’t always enough, Miss Granger. If you cannot give and
//receive violence on the order of stubbing your toe, then you cannot defend
//yourself and you will not pass Defence. Please rejoin your classmates.”

// 2443
//Hermione walked back towards the Ravenclaw cluster. Her face looked peaceful
//and Harry, for some odd reason, wanted to start clapping. Even though Professor
//Quirrell had been __right__.

// 2444
//“So,” Professor Quirrell said. “It becomes clear that Hermione Granger is not
//the most dangerous student in the classroom. Who do you think might actually be
//the most dangerous person here? - besides me, of course.”

// 2445
//Without even thinking, Harry turned to look at the Slytherin contingent.

// 2446
//“Draco, of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Malfoy,” said Professor
//Quirrell. “It seems that many of your fellow pupils are looking in your
//direction. Come forth, if you would.”

// 2447
//Draco did so, walking with a certain pride in his bearing. He stepped onto the
//dais and looked up at Professor Quirrell with a smile.

// 2448
//“Mr. Malfoy,” Professor Quirrell said. “Fire.”

// 2449
//Harry would have tried to stop it if there’d been time but in one smooth motion
//Draco spun on the Ravenclaw contingent and raised his wand and said
//“__Mahasu!__” like it was all one syllable and Hermione was saying “Ow!”
//and that was that.

// 2450
//“Well struck,” said Professor Quirrell. “Two Quirrell points to you. But tell
//me, why did you target Miss Granger?”

// 2451
//There was a pause.

// 2452
//Finally Draco said, “Because she stood out the most.”

// 2453
//Professor Quirrell’s lips turned up in a thin smile. “And that is the true
//reason why Draco Malfoy is dangerous. Had he selected any other, that child
//would more likely resent being singled out, and Mr. Malfoy would more probably
//make an enemy. And while Mr. Malfoy might have given some other justification
//for selecting her, that would have served him no purpose save to alienate some
//of you, while others are already cheering him whether he says anything or not.
//Which is to say that Mr. Malfoy is dangerous because he knows who to strike and
//who not to strike, how to make allies and avoid making enemies. Two more
//Quirrell points to you, Mr. Malfoy. And as you have demonstrated an exemplary
//virtue of Slytherin, I think that Salazar’s House has earned a point as well.
//You may rejoin your friends.”

// 2454
//Draco bowed slightly and walked back to the Slytherin contingent. Some clapping
//started from the green-trimmed robes, but Professor Quirrell made a cutting
//gesture and silence fell again.

// 2455
//“It might seem that our game is done,” said Professor Quirrell. “And yet there
//is a single student in this classroom who is more dangerous than the scion of
//Malfoy.”

// 2456
//And __now__ for some reason there seemed to be an awful lot of people
//looking at…

// 2457
//“Harry Potter. Come forth.”

// 2458
//This did not bode well.

// 2459
//Harry reluctantly walked towards where Professor Quirrell stood on his raised
//dais, still leaning slightly against his teacher’s desk.

// 2460
//The nervousness of being put into the spotlight seemed to be sharpening Harry’s
//wits as he approached the dais, and his mind was ruffling through possibilities
//for what Professor Quirrell might think could demonstrate Harry’s
//dangerousness. Would he be asked to cast a spell? To defeat a Dark Lord?

// 2461
//Demonstrate his supposed immunity to the Killing Curse? Surely Professor
//Quirrell was too smart for __that__…

// 2462
//Harry stopped well short of the dais, and Professor Quirrell didn’t ask him to
//come any closer.

// 2463
//“The irony is,” said Professor Quirrell, “you all looked at the right person
//for entirely the wrong reasons. You are thinking,” Professor Quirrell’s lips
//twisted, “that Harry Potter has defeated the Dark Lord, and so must be very
//dangerous. Bah. He was one year old. Whatever quirk of fate killed the Dark
//Lord likely had little to do with Mr. Potter’s abilities as a fighter. But
//after I heard rumors of one Ravenclaw facing down five older Slytherins, I
//interviewed several eyewitnesses and came to the conclusion that Harry Potter
//would be my most dangerous student.”

// 2464
//A jolt of adrenaline poured into Harry’s system, making him stand up
//straighter. He didn’t know what conclusion Professor Quirrell had come to, but
//that couldn’t be good.

// 2465
//“Ah, Professor Quirrell -” Harry started to say.

// 2466
//Professor Quirrell looked amused. “You’re thinking that I’ve come up with a
//wrong answer, aren’t you, Mr. Potter? You will learn to expect better of
//__me__.” Professor Quirrell straightened from where he had leaned on the
//desk. “Mr. Potter, all things have their accustomed uses. Give me ten
//unaccustomed uses of objects in this room for combat!”

// 2467
//For a moment Harry was rendered speechless by the sheer, raw shock of having
//been understood.

// 2468
//And then the ideas started to pour out.

// 2469
//“There are desks which are heavy enough to be fatal if dropped from a great
//height. There are chairs with metal legs that could impale someone if driven
//hard enough. The air in this classroom would be deadly by its absence, since
//people die in vacuum, and it can serve as a carrier for poison gases.”

// 2470
//Harry had to stop briefly for breath, and into that pause Professor Quirrell
//said:

// 2471
//“That’s three. You need ten. The rest of the class thinks that you’ve already
//used up the whole contents of the classroom.”

// 2472
//“__Ha!__ The floor can be removed to create a spike pit to fall into, the
//ceiling can be collapsed on someone, the walls can serve as raw material for
//Transfiguration into any number of deadly things - knives, say.”

// 2473
//“That’s six. But surely you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel now?”

// 2474
//“I haven’t even started! Just look at all the people! Having a Gryffindor
//attack the enemy is an __ordinary__ use, of course -”

// 2475
//“I will not count that one.”

// 2476
//“- but their blood can also be used to drown someone. Ravenclaws are known for
//their brains, but their internal organs could be sold on the black market for
//enough money to hire an assassin. Slytherins aren’t just useful as assassins,
//they can also be thrown at sufficient velocity to crush an enemy. And
//Hufflepuffs, in addition to being hard workers, also contain bones that can be
//removed, sharpened, and used to stab someone.”

// 2477
//By now the rest of the class was staring at Harry in some horror. Even the
//Slytherins looked shocked.

// 2478
//“That’s ten, though I’m being generous in counting the Ravenclaw one. Now, for
//extra credit, one Quirrell point for each use of objects in this room which you
//have not yet named.” Professor Quirrell favored Harry with a companionable
//smile. “The rest of your class thinks you are in trouble now, since you’ve
//named everything except the targets and you have no idea what may be done with
//those.”

// 2479
//“Bah! I’ve named all the people, but not my robes, which can be used to
//suffocate an enemy if wrapped around their head enough times, or Hermione
//Granger’s robes, which can be torn into strips and tied into a rope and used to
//hang someone, or Draco Malfoy’s robes, which can be used to start a fire -”

// 2480
//“Three points,” said Professor Quirrell, “no more clothing now.”

// 2481
//“My wand can be pushed into an enemy’s brain through their eye socket” and
//someone made a horrified, strangling sound.

// 2482
//“Four points, no more wands.”

// 2483
//“My wristwatch could suffocate someone if jammed down their throat -”

// 2484
//“Five points, and enough.”

// 2485
//“Hmph,” Harry said. “Ten Quirrell points to one House point, right? You should
//have let me keep going until I’d won the House Cup, I haven’t even started yet
//on the unaccustomed uses of everything I’ve got in my pockets” or the mokeskin
//pouch itself and he couldn’t talk about the Time-Turner or the invisibility
//cloak but there had to be __something__ he could say about those red
//spheres…

// 2486
//“__Enough,__ Mr. Potter. Well, do you all think you understand what makes
//Mr. Potter the most dangerous student in the classroom?”

// 2487
//There was a low murmur of assent.

// 2488
//“Say it out loud, please. Terry Boot, what makes your dorm-mate dangerous?”

// 2489
//“Ah… um… he’s creative?”

// 2490
//“__Wrong!__” bellowed Professor Quirrell, and his fist came down sharply
//on his desk with an amplified sound that made everyone jump. “All of Mr.
//Potter’s ideas were worse than useless!”

// 2491
//Harry started in surprise.

// 2492
//“Remove the floor to create a spike trap? Ridiculous! In combat you do not have
//that sort of preparation time and if you did there would be a hundred better
//uses! Transfigure material from the walls? Mr. Potter cannot perform
//Transfiguration! Mr. Potter had exactly one idea which he could use
//immediately, right now, without extensive preparation or a cooperative enemy or
//magic he does not know. That idea was to jam his wand through his enemy’s eye
//socket. Which would be more likely to break his wand than kill his opponent! In
//short, Mr. Potter, I’m afraid that your proposals were uniformly awful.”

// 2493
//“What?” Harry said indignantly. “You __asked__ for unusual ideas, not
//practical ones! I was thinking outside the box! How would __you__ use
//something in this classroom to kill someone?”

// 2494
//Professor Quirrell’s expression was disapproving, but there were smile crinkles
//around his eyes. “Mr. Potter, I never said you were to __kill.__ There is
//a time and a place for taking your enemy alive, and inside a Hogwarts classroom
//is usually one of those places. But to answer your question, hit them on the
//neck with the edge of a chair.”

// 2495
//There was some laughter from the Slytherins, but they were laughing with Harry,
//not at him.

// 2496
//Everyone else was looking rather horrified.

// 2497
//“But Mr. Potter has now demonstrated why he is the most dangerous student in
//the classroom. I asked for unaccustomed uses of items in this room for combat.
//Mr. Potter could have suggested using a desk to block a curse, or using a chair
//to trip an oncoming enemy, or wrapping cloth around his arm to create an
//improvised shield. Instead, every single use that Mr. Potter named was
//offensive rather than defensive, and either fatal or potentially fatal.”

// 2498
//What? Wait, that couldn’t be true… Harry had a sudden sense of vertigo as he
//tried to remember what exactly he’d suggested, surely there had to be a
//counterexample…

// 2499
//“And that,” Professor Quirrell said, “is why Mr. Potter’s ideas were so strange
//and useless - because he had to reach far into the impractical in order to meet
//his standard of __killing the enemy.__ To him, any idea which fell short
//of that was not worth considering. This reflects a quality that we might call
//__intent to kill__. I have it. Harry Potter has it, which is how he could
//stare down five older Slytherins. Draco Malfoy does not have it, not yet. Mr.
//Malfoy would hardly shrink from talk of ordinary murder, but even he was
//shocked - yes you were Mr. Malfoy, I was watching your face - when Mr. Potter
//described how to use his classmates’ bodies as raw material. There are censors
//inside your mind which make you flinch away from thoughts like that. Mr. Potter
//thinks __purely__ of killing the enemy, he will grasp at any means to do
//so, he does not flinch, his censors are off. Even though his youthful genius is
//so undisciplined and impractical as to be useless, his __intent to kill__
//makes Harry Potter the Most Dangerous Student in the Classroom. One final point
//to him - no, let us make that a point to Ravenclaw - for this indispensable
//requisite of a true fighting wizard.”

// 2500
//Harry’s mouth gaped open in speechless shock as he searched frantically for
//something to say to this. __That is so completely not what I am about!__

// 2501
//But he could see that the other students were starting to believe it. Harry’s
//mind was flipping through possible denials and not finding anything that could
//stand up against the authoritative voice of Professor Quirrell. The best Harry
//had come up with was “I’m not a psychopath, I’m just very creative” and that
//sounded kind of ominous. He needed to say something unexpected, something that
//would make people stop and reconsider -

// 2502
//“And now,” Professor Quirrell said. “Mr. Potter. Fire.”

// 2503
//Nothing happened, of course.

// 2504
//“Ah, well,” said Professor Quirrell. He sighed. “I suppose we must all start
//somewhere. Mr. Potter, select any student you please for a Simple Strike Hex.
//You __will__ do so before I dismiss your class for the day. If you do not,
//I will begin deducting House points, and I will keep on deducting them until
//you do.”

// 2505
//Harry carefully raised his wand. He had to do that much, or Professor Quirrell
//might start deducting House points right away.

// 2506
//Slowly, as though on a roasting platter, Harry turned to face the Slytherins.

// 2507
//And Harry’s eyes met Draco’s.

// 2508
//Draco Malfoy didn’t look the slightest bit afraid. The blonde-haired boy wasn’t
//giving any visible sign of assent such as Harry had given Hermione, but then he
//could hardly be expected to do so. The other Slytherins would think that rather
//odd.

// 2509
//“Why the hesitation?” said Professor Quirrell. “Surely there’s only one obvious
//choice.”

// 2510
//“Yes,” Harry said. “Only one __obvious__ choice.”

// 2511
//Harry twisted the wand and said “__Ma-ha-su!__”

// 2512
//There was complete silence in the classroom.

// 2513
//Harry shook his left arm, trying to get rid of the lingering sting.

// 2514
//There was more silence.

// 2515
//Finally Professor Quirrell sighed. “Yes, quite ingenious, but there was a
//lesson to be taught and you dodged it. One point from Ravenclaw for showing off
//your own cleverness at the expense of the actual goal. Class dismissed.”

// 2516
//And before anyone else could say anything, Harry sang out:

// 2517
//“Just kidding! RAVENCLAW!”

// 2518
//There was silence for a brief moment after that, a sound of people thinking,
//and then the murmurs started and rapidly rose to a roar of conversation.

// 2519
//Harry turned towards Professor Quirrell, the two of them needed to talk -

// 2520
//Quirrell had slumped over and was trudging back to his chair.

// 2521
//No. Not acceptable. They __really __needed to talk. Stuff the zombie act,
//Professor Quirrell would probably wake up if Harry poked him a couple of times.
//Harry started forward -

// 2522
//__WRONG__

// 2523
//__DON’T__

// 2524
//__BAD IDEA__

// 2525
//Harry swayed and stopped in his tracks, feeling dizzy.

// 2526
//And then a flock of Ravenclaws descended on him and the discussions began.