013.asc

// 1738
//== Asking the Wrong Questions

// 1739
//Elen sila J. K. Rowling omentielvo.

// 1740
//EDIT: Don’t panic. I solemnly swear that there is a logical, foreshadowed,
//canon-compliant explanation for everything which happens in this chapter. It’s
//a puzzle, you’re supposed to try to solve it, and if not, just read the next
//chapter.

// 1741
//__“That’s one of the most obvious riddles I’ve ever heard.”__

// 1742
//As soon as Harry opened his eyes in the Ravenclaw first-year boys’ dormitory,
//on the morning of his first full day at Hogwarts, he knew something was wrong.

// 1743
//It was quiet.

// 1744
//__Too__ quiet.

// 1745
//Oh, right… There was a Quietus Charm on his bed’s headboard, controlled by a
//small slider bar, which was the only reason it was ever possible for anyone to
//go to sleep in Ravenclaw.

// 1746
//Harry sat up and looked around, expecting to see others rising for the day -

// 1747
//The dorm, empty.

// 1748
//The beds, rumpled and unmade.

// 1749
//The sun, coming in at a rather high angle.

// 1750
//His Quieter turned all the way up to maximum.

// 1751
//And his mechanical alarm clock was still running, but the alarm was turned off.

// 1752
//He’d been allowed to sleep until 9:52 AM, apparently. Despite his best efforts
//to synchronize his 26-hour sleep cycle to his arrival at Hogwarts, he hadn’t
//gotten to sleep last night until around 1AM. He’d been planning to wake up at
//7:00AM with the other students, he could stand being a little sleep-deprived
//his first day so long as he got some sort of magical fix before tomorrow. But
//now he’d missed breakfast. And his very first class at Hogwarts, in Herbology,
//had started one hour and twenty-two minutes ago.

// 1753
//The anger was slowly, slowly wakening in him. Oh, what a nice little prank.
//Turn off his alarm. Turn up the Quieter. And let Mr. Bigshot Harry Potter miss
//his first class, and be blamed for being a heavy sleeper.

// 1754
//When Harry found out who’d done this…

// 1755
//No, this could only have been done with the cooperation of all twelve other
//boys in the Ravenclaw dorm. All of them would have seen his sleeping form. All
//of them had let him sleep through breakfast.

// 1756
//The anger drained away, replaced by confusion and a horribly wounded feeling.
//They’d __liked__ him. He’d thought. Last night, he’d thought they liked
//him. __Why…__

// 1757
//As Harry stepped out of the bed, he saw a piece of paper facing out from his
//headboard.

// 1758
//The paper said,

// 1759
//__My fellow Ravenclaws,__

// 1760
//__It’s been an extra long day. Please let me sleep in and don’t worry
//about my missing breakfast. I haven’t forgotten about my first class.__

// 1761
//__Yours,__

// 1762
//__Harry Potter.__

// 1763
//And Harry stood there, frozen, ice water beginning to trickle through his
//veins.

// 1764
//The paper was in his own handwriting, in his own mechanical pencil.

// 1765
//And he didn’t remember writing it.

// 1766
//And… Harry squinted at the piece of paper. And unless he was imagining it, the
//words “I haven’t forgotten” were written in a different style, as if he was
//trying to tell himself something…?

// 1767
//Had he __known__ he was going to be Obliviated? Had he stayed up late,
//committed some sort of crime or covert activity, and then… but he didn’t
//__know__ the Obliviate spell… had someone else… what…

// 1768
//A thought occurred to Harry. If he __had__ known he was going to be
//Obliviated…

// 1769
//Still in his pyjamas, Harry ran around his bed to his trunk, pressed his thumb
//against the lock, pulled out his pouch, stuck in his hand and said “Note to
//myself.”

// 1770
//And another piece of paper popped into his hand.

// 1771
//Harry took it out, staring at it. It too was in his own handwriting.

// 1772
//The note said:

// 1773
//__Dear Me,__

// 1774
//__Please play the game. You can only play the game once in a lifetime.
//This is an irreplaceable opportunity.__

// 1775
//__Recognition code 927, I am a potato.__

// 1776
//__Yours,__

// 1777
//__You.__

// 1778
//Harry nodded slowly. “Recognition code 927, I am a potato” was indeed the
//message he had worked out in advance - some years earlier, while watching TV -
//that only he would know. If he had to identify a duplicate of himself as being
//really __him,__ or something. Just in case. Be Prepared.

// 1779
//Harry couldn’t __trust__ the message, there might be other spells
//involved. But it ruled out any simple prank. He had definitely written this and
//he definitely didn’t remember writing it.

// 1780
//Staring at the paper, Harry became aware of ink showing through from the other
//side.

// 1781
//He flipped it over.

// 1782
//The reverse side read:

// 1783
//__INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE GAME:__

// 1784
//__you do not know the rules of the game__

// 1785
//__you do not know the stakes of the game__

// 1786
//__you do not know the objective of the game______

// 1787
//__you do not know who controls the game__

// 1788
//__you do not know how to end the game__

// 1789
//__You start with 100 points.__

// 1790
//__Begin.__

// 1791
//Harry stared at the “instructions”. This side wasn’t handwritten; the writing
//was perfectly regular, hence artificial. It looked as if it had been inscribed
//by a Quotes Quill, such as the one he’d bought to take dictation.

// 1792
//He had __absolutely no clue__ what was going on.

// 1793
//Well… step one was to get dressed and eat. Maybe reverse the order of that. His
//stomach felt rather empty.

// 1794
//He’d missed breakfast, of course, but he was Prepared for that eventuality,
//having visualised it in advance. Harry put his hand into his pouch and said
//“Snack bars”, expecting to get the box of cereal bars he’d bought before
//departing for Hogwarts.

// 1795
//What popped up did not feel like a box of cereal bars.

// 1796
//When Harry brought his hand into his field of vision he saw two tiny candy bars
//- not nearly enough for a meal - attached to a note, and the note was inscribed
//in the same writing as the game instructions.

// 1797
//The note said:

// 1798
//ATTEMPT FAILED: -1 POINT

// 1799
//CURRENT POINTS: 99

// 1800
//PHYSICAL STATE: STILL HUNGRY

// 1801
//MENTAL STATE: CONFUSED

// 1802
//“Gleehhhhh” Harry’s mouth said without any sort of conscious intervention or
//decision on his part.

// 1803
//He stood there for around a minute.

// 1804
//One minute later, it __still__ didn’t make any sense and he __still__
//had absolutely no idea what was going on and his brain hadn’t even
//__begun__ to grasp at any __hypotheses__ like his mental hands were
//encased in rubber balls and couldn’t pick anything up.

// 1805
//His stomach, which had its own priorities, suggested a possible experimental
//probe.

// 1806
//“Ah…” Harry said to the empty room. “I don’t suppose I could spend a point and
//get my box of cereal bars back?”

// 1807
//There was only silence.

// 1808
//Harry put his hand into the pouch and said “Box of cereal bars.”

// 1809
//A box that felt like the right shape popped up into his hand… but it was too
//light, and it was open, and it was empty, and the note attached to it said:

// 1810
//POINTS SPENT: 1

// 1811
//CURRENT POINTS: 98

// 1812
//YOU HAVE GAINED: A BOX OF CEREAL BARS

// 1813
//“I’d like to spend one point and get the __actual cereal bars__ back,”
//said Harry.

// 1814
//Again, silence.

// 1815
//Harry put his hand into the pouch and said “cereal bars”.

// 1816
//Nothing came up.

// 1817
//Harry shrugged despairingly and went over to the cabinet he’d been given near
//his bed, to get his wizard’s robes for the day.

// 1818
//On the floor of the cabinet, under his robes, were the cereal bars, and a note:

// 1819
//POINTS SPENT: 1

// 1820
//CURRENT POINTS: 97

// 1821
//YOU HAVE GAINED: 6 CEREAL BARS

// 1822
//YOU ARE STILL WEARING: PYJAMAS

// 1823
//DO NOT EAT WHILE YOU ARE WEARING YOUR PYJAMAS

// 1824
//YOU WILL GET A PYJAMA PENALTY

// 1825
//__And now I know that whoever controls the game is insane.__

// 1826
//“My guess is that the game is controlled by Dumbledore,” Harry said out loud.
//Maybe __this__ time he could set a new land speed record for being quick
//on the uptake.

// 1827
//Silence.

// 1828
//But Harry was starting to pick up the pattern; the note would be in the next
//place he looked. So Harry looked under his bed.

// 1829
//HA! HA HA HA HA HA!

// 1830
//HA HA HA HA HA HA!

// 1831
//HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

// 1832
//DUMBLEDORE DOES NOT CONTROL THE GAME

// 1833
//BAD GUESS

// 1834
//VERY BAD GUESS

// 1835
//-20 POINTS

// 1836
//AND YOU ARE STILL WEARING PYJAMAS

// 1837
//IT IS YOUR FOURTH MOVE

// 1838
//AND YOU ARE STILL WEARING PYJAMAS

// 1839
//PYJAMA PENALTY: -2 POINTS

// 1840
//CURRENT POINTS: 75

// 1841
//Welp, that was a puzzler, all right. It was only his first day at school and
//once you ruled out Dumbledore, he didn’t know the name of anyone else here who
//was this crazy.

// 1842
//His body more or less on autopilot, Harry gathered up a set of robes and
//underwear, pulled out the cavern level of his trunk (he was a very private sort
//of person and someone might walk into the dorm), got dressed, and then went
//back upstairs to put away his pyjamas.

// 1843
//Harry paused before pulling out the cabinet drawer that held his pyjamas. If
//the pattern here held true…

// 1844
//“How can I earn more points?” Harry said out loud.

// 1845
//Then he pulled out the drawer.

// 1846
//OPPORTUNITIES TO DO GOOD ARE EVERYWHERE

// 1847
//BUT DARKNESS IS WHERE THE LIGHT NEEDS TO BE

// 1848
//COST OF QUESTION: 1 POINT

// 1849
//CURRENT POINTS: 74

// 1850
//NICE UNDERWEAR

// 1851
//DID YOUR MOTHER PICK THEM OUT?

// 1852
//Harry crushed the note in his hand, face flaming scarlet. Draco’s curse came
//back to him. __Son of a mudblood -__

// 1853
//At this point he knew better than to say it out loud. He would probably get a
//Profanity Penalty.

// 1854
//Harry girded himself with his mokeskin pouch and wand. He peeled off the
//wrapper of one his cereal bars and threw it into the room’s rubbish bin, where
//it landed atop a mostly-uneaten Chocolate Frog, a crumpled envelope and some
//green and red wrapping paper. He put the other cereal bars into his mokeskin
//pouch.

// 1855
//He looked around in a final, desperate, and ultimately futile search for clues.

// 1856
//And then Harry left the dorm, eating as he went, in search of the Slytherin
//dungeons. At least that was what he __thought__ the line was about.

// 1857
//Trying to navigate the halls of Hogwarts was like… probably __not__ quite
//as bad as wandering around inside an Escher painting, that was the sort of
//thing you said for rhetorical effect rather than for its being true.

// 1858
//A short time later, Harry was thinking that in fact an Escher painting would
//have both pluses and minuses compared to Hogwarts. Minuses: No consistent
//gravitational orientation. Pluses: At least the stairs wouldn’t move
//around__ WHILE YOU WERE STILL ON THEM.__

// 1859
//Harry had originally climbed four flights of stairs to get to his dorm. After
//clambering down no fewer than twelve flights of stairs without getting anywhere
//near the dungeons, Harry had concluded that (1) an Escher painting would be a
//__cakewalk__ by comparison, (2) he was somehow __higher__ in the
//castle than when he’d started, and (3) he was so __thoroughly__ lost that
//he wouldn’t have been surprised to look out of the next window and see two
//moons in the sky.

// 1860
//Backup plan A had been to stop and ask for directions, but there seemed to be
//an extreme lack of people wandering around, as if the beggars were all
//attending class the way they were supposed to or something.

// 1861
//Backup plan B…

// 1862
//“I’m lost,” Harry said out loud. “Can, um, the spirit of the Hogwarts castle
//help me or something?”

// 1863
//“I don’t think this castle has a spirit,” observed a wizened old lady in one of
//the paintings on the walls. “Life, perhaps, but not spirit.”

// 1864
//There was a brief pause.

// 1865
//“Are you -” Harry said, and then shut his mouth. On second thought, no he was
//NOT going to ask the painting whether it was fully conscious in the sense of
//being aware of its own awareness.

// 1866
//“I’m Harry Potter,” said his mouth, more or less on autopilot. Also more or
//less automatically, Harry stuck out a hand towards the painting.

// 1867
//The woman in the painting looked down at Harry’s hand and raised her eyebrows.

// 1868
//Slowly, the hand dropped back to Harry’s side.

// 1869
//“Sorry,” Harry said, “I’m sort of new here.”

// 1870
//“So I perceive, young raven. Where are you trying to go?”

// 1871
//Harry hesitated. “I’m not really sure,” he said.

// 1872
//“Then perhaps you are already there.”

// 1873
//“Well, wherever I __am__ trying to go, I don’t think __this__ is it…”
//Harry shut his mouth, aware of just how much he was sounding like an idiot.
//“Let me start over. I’m playing this game only I don’t know what the rules are
//-” That didn’t really work either, did it. “Okay, third try. I’m looking for
//opportunities to do good so I can score points, and all I have is this cryptic
//hint about how darkness is where the light needs to be, so I was trying to go
//down but I seem to keep going up instead…”

// 1874
//The old lady in the painting was looking at him rather sceptically.

// 1875
//Harry sighed. “My life tends to get a bit peculiar.”

// 1876
//“Would it be fair to say that you don’t know where you’re going or why you’re
//trying to get there?”

// 1877
//“__Entirely__ fair.”

// 1878
//The old lady nodded. “I’m not sure that being lost is your most important
//problem, young man.”

// 1879
//“True, but unlike the more important problems, it’s a problem I can understand
//how to solve and __wow__ is this conversation turning into a metaphor for
//human existence, I didn’t even realise that was happening until just now.”

// 1880
//The lady eyed Harry appraisingly. “You __are__ a fine young raven, aren’t
//you? For a moment I was starting to wonder. Well then, as a general rule, if
//you keep on turning left, you’re bound to keep going down.”

// 1881
//That sounded strangely familiar but Harry couldn’t recall where he’d heard it
//before. “Um… you seem like a very intelligent person. Or a picture of a very
//intelligent person… anyway, have you heard of a mysterious game where you can
//only play once, and they won’t tell you the rules?”

// 1882
//“Life,” said the lady at once. “That’s one of the most obvious riddles I’ve
//ever heard.”

// 1883
//Harry blinked. “No,” he said slowly. “I mean I got an actual note and
//everything saying that I had to play the game but I wouldn’t be told the rules,
//and someone is leaving me little slips of paper telling me how many points I’ve
//lost for violating the rules, like a minus two point penalty for wearing
//pyjamas. Do you know anyone here at Hogwarts who’s crazy enough and powerful
//enough to do something like that? Besides Dumbledore, I mean?”

// 1884
//The picture of a lady sighed. “I’m only a picture, young man. I remember
//Hogwarts as it was - not Hogwarts as it is. All I can tell you is that if this
//were a riddle, the answer would be that the game is life, and that while we do
//not make all the rules ourselves, the one who awards or takes points is always
//you. If it is not riddle but reality - then I do not know.”

// 1885
//Harry bowed very low to the picture. “Thank you, milady.”

// 1886
//The lady curtseyed to him. “I wish I could say that I’ll remember you with
//fondness,” she said, “but I probably won’t remember you at all. Farewell, Harry
//Potter.”

// 1887
//He bowed again in reply, and started to climb down the nearest flight of
//stairs.

// 1888
//Four left turns later he found himself staring down a corridor that ended,
//abruptly, in a tumbled mound of large rocks - as if there had been a cave-in,
//only the surrounding walls and ceiling were intact and made of quite regular
//castle stones.

// 1889
//“All right,” Harry said to the empty air, “I give up. I’m asking for another
//hint. How do I get to where I need to go?”

// 1890
//“A hint! A hint, you say?”

// 1891
//The excited voice came from a painting on the wall not far away, this one a
//portrait of a middle-aged man in the loudest pink robes that Harry had ever
//seen or even imagined. In the portrait he was wearing a droopy old pointed hat
//with a fish on it (not a drawing of a fish, mind, but a fish).

// 1892
//“Yes!” Harry said. “A hint! A hint, I say! Only not just __any__ hint, I’m
//looking for a __specific__ hint, it’s for a game I’m playing -”

// 1893
//“Yes, yes! A hint for the game! You’re Harry Potter, aren’t you? I’m Cornelion
//Flubberwalt! I was told by Erin the Consort who was told by Lord Weaselnose who
//was told by, I forget really. But it was a message for __me__ to give to
//you! For __me!__ No one’s cared about me in, I don’t know how long, maybe
//ever, I’ve been stuck down here in this bloody useless old corridor - a hint! I
//have your hint! It will only cost you three points! Do you want it?”

// 1894
//“Yes! I want it!” Harry was aware that he probably ought to keep his sarcasm
//under control but he just couldn’t seem to help himself.

// 1895
//“The darkness can be found between the green study rooms and McGonagall’s
//Transfiguration class! That’s the hint! And get a move on, you’re slower than a
//sack of snails! Minus ten points for being slow! Now you have 61 points! That
//was the rest of the message!”

// 1896
//“Thank you,” Harry said. He was really getting behind on the game here. “Um… I
//don’t suppose you know where the message __originally __came from, do
//you?”

// 1897
//“It was spoken by a hollow voice that belled forth from a gap within the air
//itself, a gap that opened upon a fiery abyss! That’s what they told me!”

// 1898
//Harry was no longer sure, at this point, whether this was the sort of thing he
//ought to be sceptical about, or the sort of thing he should just take in
//stride. “And how can I find the line between the green study rooms and
//Transfiguration class?”

// 1899
//“Just spin back around and go left, right, down, down, right, left, right, up,
//and left again, you’ll be at the green study room and if you go in and walk
//straight out the opposite side you’ll be on a big curvy corridor that goes to
//an intersection and on the right side of that intersection will be a long
//straight hallway that goes to the Transfiguration classroom!” The figure of the
//middle-aged man paused. “At least that’s how it was when __I__ was in
//Hogwarts. This __is__ a Monday on an odd-numbered year, isn’t it?”

// 1900
//“Pencil and mechanical paper,” Harry said to his pouch. “Er, cancel that, paper
//and mechanical pencil.” He looked up. “Could you repeat that?”

// 1901
//After getting lost another two times, Harry felt that he was beginning to
//understand the basic rule for navigating the ever-changing maze that was
//Hogwarts, namely, __ask a painting for directions__. If this reflected
//some sort of incredibly deep life lesson he couldn’t figure out what it was.

// 1902
//The green study room was a surprisingly pleasant space with sunlight streaming
//in from windows of green-stained glass that showed dragons in calm, pastoral
//scenes. It had chairs that looked extremely comfortable, and tables that seemed
//very well-suited to studying in the company of one to three friends.

// 1903
//Harry couldn’t __actually__ walk straight through and out the door on the
//other side. There were __bookshelves__ set into the wall, and he had to go
//over and read some of the titles, so as to not lose his claim to the Verres
//family name. But he did it quickly, mindful of the complaint about being slow,
//and then went out the other side.

// 1904
//He was walking down the “big curvy corridor” when he heard a young boy’s voice
//cry out.

// 1905
//At times like this, Harry had an excuse to sprint all-out with no regards for
//saving energy or doing proper warmup exercises or worrying about crashing into
//things, a sudden frantic flight that nearly came to an equally sudden halt as
//he almost ran over a group of six first-year Hufflepuffs…

// 1906
//…who were huddled together, looking rather scared and like they desperately
//wanted to do something but couldn’t figure out what, which probably had
//something to do with the group of five older Slytherins who seemed to be
//surrounding another young boy.

// 1907
//Harry was suddenly rather angry.

// 1908
//“__Excuse me!__” shouted Harry at the top of his lungs.

// 1909
//It might not have been necessary. People were already looking at him. But it
//certainly served to stop all the action cold.

// 1910
//Harry walked past the cluster of Hufflepuffs towards the Slytherins.

// 1911
//They looked down at him with expressions that ranged from anger to amusement to
//delight.

// 1912
//Part of Harry’s brain was screaming in panic that these were much older and
//bigger boys who could stomp him flat.

// 1913
//Another part said dryly that anyone caught seriously stomping the Boy-Who-Lived
//was in for a whole __world__ of trouble, especially if they were a pack of
//older Slytherins and there were seven Hufflepuffs who saw it, and that the
//chance of them doing him any permanent damage in the presence of witnesses was
//nearly zero. The only real weapon the older boys had against him was his own
//fear, if he allowed that.

// 1914
//Then Harry saw that the boy they had trapped was Neville Longbottom.

// 1915
//Of course.

// 1916
//That settled it. Harry had decided to apologise humbly to Neville and that
//meant Neville was __his__, how __dare__ they?

// 1917
//Harry reached out and grabbed Neville by the wrist and __yanked__ him out
//from between the Slytherins, the boy stumbling in shock as Harry pulled him out
//and in nearly the same motion pushed his own way through the same gap.

// 1918
//And Harry stood in the center of the Slytherins where Neville had stood,
//looking up at the much older, larger, and stronger boys.

// 1919
//“Hello,” Harry said. “I’m the Boy-Who-Lived.”

// 1920
//There was a rather awkward pause. No one seemed to know where the conversation
//was supposed to go from there.

// 1921
//Harry’s eyes dropped downwards and saw some books and papers scattered around
//the floor. Oh, the old game where you let the boy try to pick up his books and
//then knock them out of his hand again. Harry couldn’t remember ever being the
//object of that game himself, but he had a good imagination and his imagination
//was making him furious. Well, once the larger situation was resolved it would
//be easy enough for Neville to come back and pick up his materials, provided
//that the Slytherins stayed too intent on him to think of doing anything to the
//books.

// 1922
//Unfortunately his straying eyes had been noted. “Ooh,” said the largest of the
//boys, “did ‘oo want the widdle books -”

// 1923
//“Shut up,” Harry said coldly. __Keep them off balance. Don’t do what they
//expect. Don’t fall into a pattern that calls for them to bully you. __“Is this
//part of some incredibly clever plan that will gain you future advantage, or is
//it as pointless a disgrace to the name of Salazar Slytherin as it -”

// 1924
//The largest boy shoved Harry Potter hard, and he went sprawling out of the
//circle of Slytherins onto the hard stone floor of Hogwarts.

// 1925
//And the Slytherins laughed.

// 1926
//Harry rose up in what seemed to him like terribly slow motion. He didn’t know
//yet how to use his wand, but there was no reason to let that stop him, under
//the circumstances.

// 1927
//“I’d like to pay __as many points as it takes__ to get rid of this
//person,” Harry said, pointing with his finger to the largest Slytherin.

// 1928
//Then Harry lifted his other hand, said “Abracadabra,” and snapped his fingers.

// 1929
//At the word __Abracadabra__ two of the Hufflepuffs screamed, including
//Neville, three other Slytherins leapt desperately out of the way of Harry’s
//finger, and the largest Slytherin staggered back with an expression of shock, a
//sudden splash of red decorating his face and neck and chest.

// 1930
//Harry had __not __been expecting __that__.

// 1931
//Slowly, the largest Slytherin reached up to his head, and peeled off the pan of
//cherry pie that had just draped itself over him. The largest Slytherin held the
//pan in his hand for a moment, staring at it, then dropped it to the floor.

// 1932
//It probably wasn’t the best time in the world for one of the Hufflepuffs to
//start laughing, but that was exactly what one of the Hufflepuffs was doing.

// 1933
//Then Harry caught sight of the note on the bottom of the pan.

// 1934
//“Hold on,” Harry said, and darted forward to pick up the note. “This note’s for
//me, I think -”

// 1935
//“__You,”__ growled the largest Slytherin, “__you, are, going, to -__”

// 1936
//“__Look__ at this!” shouted Harry, brandishing the note at the older
//Slytherin. “I mean, just __look__ at this! Can you believe I’m being
//charged 30 points for shipping and handling on one lousy pie? 30 points! I’m
//turning a loss on the deal even after rescuing an innocent boy in distress! And
//storage fees? Conveyance charges? Drayage costs? How do you get __drayage
//costs__ on a __pie?__”

// 1937
//There was another one of those awkward pauses. Harry thought deadly thoughts at
//whichever Hufflepuff couldn’t seem to stop giggling, that idiot was going to
//get him hurt.

// 1938
//Harry stepped back and shot the Slytherins his best lethal glare. “Now go away
//or I will just keep making your existence more and more surreal until you do.
//Let me warn you… messing with __my__ life tends to make __your__
//life… __a little hairy.__ Get it?”

// 1939
//In a single terrible motion, the largest Slytherin whipped his wand out to
//point at Harry and in the same instant was hit on the other side of his head by
//another pie, this one bright blueberry.

// 1940
//The note on this pie was rather large and clearly readable. “You might want to
//read the note on that pie,” Harry observed. “I think it’s for you this time.”

// 1941
//The Slytherin slowly reached up, took the pie pan, turned it over with a wet
//glop that dropped more blueberry on the floor, and read a note that said:

// 1942
//WARNING

// 1943
//NO MAGIC MAY BE USED ON THE CONTESTANT

// 1944
//WHILE THE GAME IS IN PROGRESS

// 1945
//FURTHER INTERFERENCE IN THE GAME

// 1946
//WILL BE REPORTED TO THE GAME AUTHORITIES

// 1947
//The expression of sheer bafflement on the Slytherin’s face was a look of art.
//Harry thought that he might be starting to like this Game Controller.

// 1948
//“Look,” Harry said, “you want to call it a day? I think things are spiralling
//out of control here. How about you go back to Slytherin and I go back to
//Ravenclaw and we all just cool down a bit, okay?”

// 1949
//“I’ve got a better idea,” hissed the largest Slytherin. “How about if you
//accidentally break all your fingers?”

// 1950
//“How in Merlin’s name do you stage a believable accident after making the
//threat in front of a dozen witnesses, you __idiot __-”

// 1951
//The largest Slytherin slowly, deliberately reached out towards Harry’s hands,
//and Harry froze in place, the part of his brain that was noticing the other
//boy’s age and strength finally managing to make itself heard, screaming,
//__WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?__

// 1952
//“Wait!” said one of the other Slytherins, his voice suddenly panicky. “Stop,
//you shouldn’t actually do that!”

// 1953
//The largest Slytherin ignored him, taking Harry’s right hand firmly in his left
//hand, and taking Harry’s index finger in his right hand.

// 1954
//Harry stared the Slytherin straight in the eyes. Part of Harry was screaming,
//this wasn’t supposed to happen, this wasn’t __allowed__ to happen,
//grownups would never let something like this __actually__ happen -

// 1955
//Slowly, the Slytherin started to bend his index finger backwards.

// 1956
//__He hasn’t actually broken my finger and it is beneath me to so much as
//flinch until he does. Until then, this is just another attempt to cause fear.__

// 1957
//“Stop!” said the Slytherin who had objected before. “Stop, this is a very bad
//idea!”

// 1958
//“I rather agree,” said an icy voice. An older woman’s voice.

// 1959
//The largest Slytherin let go of Harry’s hand and jumped backwards as if burned.

// 1960
//“Professor Sprout!” cried one of the Hufflepuffs, sounding as glad as anyone
//Harry had ever heard in his life.

// 1961
//Into Harry’s field of vision, as he turned, stalked a dumpy little woman with
//messily curled grey hair and clothes covered with dirt. She pointed an accusing
//finger at the Slytherins. “Explain yourselves,” she said. “What are you doing
//with my Hufflepuffs and…” she looked at him. “My fine student, Harry Potter.”

// 1962
//__Uh oh. That’s right, it was HER class I missed this morning.__

// 1963
//“He threatened to kill us!” blurted one of the other Slytherins, the same one
//who’d called for a halt.

// 1964
//“What?” Harry said blankly. “I did __not!__ If I was going to kill you I
//wouldn’t make public threats first!”

// 1965
//A third Slytherin laughed helplessly and then stopped abruptly as the other
//boys shot him deadly glares.

// 1966
//Professor Sprout had adopted a rather sceptical expression. “What death threat
//would this be, exactly?”

// 1967
//“The Killing Curse! He pretended to use the Killing Curse on us!”

// 1968
//Professor Sprout turned to look at Harry. “Yes, quite a terrible threat from an
//eleven-year-old boy. Though still not something you should __ever__ dream
//of pretending, Harry Potter.”

// 1969
//“I don’t even know the __words__ to the Killing Curse,” Harry said
//promptly. “And I didn’t have my wand out at any time.”

// 1970
//Now Professor Sprout was giving Harry a sceptical look. “I suppose this boy hit
//__himself__ with two pies, then.”

// 1971
//“He __didn’t__ use his wand!” blurted one of the young Hufflepuffs. “I
//don’t know how he did it either, he just snapped his fingers and there was
//pie!”

// 1972
//“Really,” said Professor Sprout after a pause. She drew her own wand. “I won’t
//require it, since you do seem to be the victim here, but would you mind if I
//checked your wand to verify that?”

// 1973
//Harry took out his wand. “What do I -”

// 1974
//“__Prior Incantato,__” said Sprout. She frowned. “That’s odd, your wand
//doesn’t seem to have been used at all.”

// 1975
//Harry shrugged. “It hasn’t, actually, I only got my wand and schoolbooks a few
//days ago.”

// 1976
//Sprout nodded. “Then we have a clear case of accidental magic from a boy who
//felt threatened. And the rules plainly state that you are not to be held
//responsible. As for __you…__” she turned to the Slytherins. Her eyes
//dropped deliberately to Neville’s books lying on the floor.

// 1977
//There was a long silence during which she looked at the five Slytherins.

// 1978
//“Three points from Slytherin, __each__,” she said finally. “And six from
//__him,__” pointing to the boy covered in pie. “Don’t you __ever__
//meddle with my Hufflepuffs again, or my student Harry Potter either. Now
//__go.__”

// 1979
//She didn’t have to repeat herself; the Slytherins turned and walked away very
//quickly.

// 1980
//Neville went and started picking up his books. He seemed to be crying, but only
//a little. It might have been from delayed shock, or it might have been because
//the other boys were helping him.

// 1981
//“Thank you __very__ much, Harry Potter,” Professor Sprout said to him.
//“Seven points to Ravenclaw, one for each Hufflepuff you helped protect. And I
//won’t say anything more.”

// 1982
//Harry blinked. He’d been expecting something more along the lines of a lecture
//about keeping himself out of trouble, and a rather severe scolding for missing
//his very first class.

// 1983
//Maybe he __should__ have gone to Hufflepuff. Sprout was cool.

// 1984
//“__Scourgify,__” Sprout said to the mess of pie on the floor, which
//promptly vanished.

// 1985
//And she left, walking along the hall that led to the green study room.

// 1986
//“How did you __do__ that?” hissed one of the Hufflepuff boys as soon as
//she was gone.

// 1987
//Harry smiled smugly. “I can make anything I want happen just by snapping my
//fingers.”

// 1988
//The boy’s eyes widened. “__Really?__”

// 1989
//“No,” said Harry. “But when you’re telling everyone this story be sure to share
//it with Hermione Granger in first-year Ravenclaw, she has an anecdote you might
//find amusing.” He had absolutely no clue what was happening, but he wasn’t
//about to pass up the opportunity to add to his growing legend. “Oh, and what
//was all that about the Killing Curse?”

// 1990
//The boy gave him a strange look. “You really don’t know?”

// 1991
//“If I did, I wouldn’t be asking.”

// 1992
//“The words to the Killing Curse are,” the boy swallowed, and his voice dropped
//to a whisper, and he held his hands away from his sides as if to make it very
//clear that he wasn’t holding a wand, “__Avada Kedavra.__”

// 1993
//__Well of course they are.__

// 1994
//Harry put this on his growing list of things to never ever tell his Dad,
//Professor Michael Verres-Evans. It was bad enough talking about how you were
//the only person to survive the fearsome Killing Curse, without having to admit
//that the Killing Curse was “Abracadabra.”

// 1995
//“I see,” Harry said after a pause. “Well, that’s the last time I ever say
//__that__ before snapping my fingers.” Though it __had__ produced an
//effect that might be tactically useful.

// 1996
//“__Why__ did you -”

// 1997
//“Raised by Muggles, Muggles think it’s a joke and that it’s funny. Seriously,
//that’s what happened. Sorry, but can you remind me of your name?”

// 1998
//“I’m Ernie Macmillan,” said the Hufflepuff. He held out his hand, and Harry
//shook it. “Honoured to meet you.”

// 1999
//Harry executed a slight bow. “Pleased to meet you, skip the honoured thing.”

// 2000
//Then the other boys crowded round him and there was a sudden flood of
//introductions.

// 2001
//When they were done, Harry swallowed. This was going to be very difficult. “Um…
//if everyone would excuse me… I have something to say to Neville -”

// 2002
//All eyes turned to Neville, who took a step back, his face looking
//apprehensive.

// 2003
//“I suppose,” Neville said in a tiny voice, “you’re going to say I should’ve
//been braver -”

// 2004
//“Oh, no, nothing like that!” Harry said hastily. “Nothing to do with
//__that__. It’s just, um, something the Sorting Hat told me -”

// 2005
//Suddenly the other boys looked __very__ interested, except for Neville,
//who was looking even __more__ apprehensive.

// 2006
//There seemed to be something blocking Harry’s throat. He knew he should just
//blurt it out, and it was like he’d swallowed a large brick that was just stuck
//in the way.

// 2007
//It was like Harry had to manually take control of his lips and produce each
//syllable individually, but he managed to make it happen. “I’m, sor, ry.” He
//exhaled and took a deep breath. “For what I did, um, the other day. You… don’t
//have to be gracious about it or anything, I’ll understand if you just hate me.
//This isn’t about me trying to look cool by apologising or your having to accept
//it. What I did was wrong.”

// 2008
//There was a pause.

// 2009
//Neville clutched his books tighter to his chest. “Why did you do it?” he said
//in a thin, wavering voice. He blinked, as if trying to hold back tears. “Why
//does __everyone__ do that to me, even the Boy-Who-Lived?”

// 2010
//Harry suddenly felt smaller than he ever had in his life. “I’m sorry,” Harry
//said again, his voice now hoarsened. “It’s just… you looked so scared, it was
//like a sign over your head saying ‘victim’, and I wanted to show you that
//things __don’t__ always turn out badly, that sometimes the monsters give
//you chocolate… I thought if I showed you that, you might realise there wasn’t
//so much to be afraid of -”

// 2011
//“But there __is,__” whispered Neville. “You saw it today, there
//__is!__”

// 2012
//“They wouldn’t have done anything really bad in front of witnesses. Their main
//weapon is fear. That’s why they target __you,__ because they can see
//you’re afraid. I wanted to make you less afraid… show you that the fear was
//worse than the thing itself… or that was what I told myself, but the Sorting
//Hat told me that I was lying to myself and that I really did it because it was
//fun. So that’s why I’m apologising -”

// 2013
//“You hurt me,” said Neville. “Just now. When you grabbed me and pulled me away
//from them.” Neville held out his arm and pointed to where Harry had grabbed
//him. “I might have a bruise here later from how hard you pulled. You hurt me
//worse than anything the Slytherins did by bumping into me, actually.”

// 2014
//“__Neville!__” hissed Ernie. “He was trying to __save__ you!”

// 2015
//“I’m sorry,” whispered Harry. “When I saw that I just got… really angry…”

// 2016
//Neville looked at him steadily. “So you yanked me out really hard and put
//yourself in where I was and went, ‘Hello, I’m the Boy-Who-Lived’.”

// 2017
//Harry nodded.

// 2018
//“I think you’re going to be really cool someday,” Neville said. “But right now,
//you’re not.”

// 2019
//Harry swallowed the sudden knot in his throat and walked away. He continued
//down the corridor to the intersection, then turned left into a hallway and kept
//on walking, blindly.

// 2020
//What was he __supposed__ to do here? Never get angry? He wasn’t sure he
//could have done anything without being angry and who knows what would have
//happened to Neville and his books then. Besides, Harry had read enough fantasy
//books to know how __this__ one went. He would try to suppress the anger
//and he would fail and it would keep coming out again. And after this whole long
//journey of self-discovery he would learn at the end that his anger was a part
//of himself and that only by accepting it could he learn to use it wisely.
//__Star Wars__ was the only universe in which the answer actually
//__was__ that you were supposed to cut yourself off completely from
//negative emotions, and something about Yoda had always made Harry hate the
//little green moron.

// 2021
//So the obvious time-saving plan was to skip the journey of self-discovery and
//go straight to the part where he realised that only by accepting his anger as a
//part of himself could he stay in control of it.

// 2022
//The problem was that he didn’t __feel__ out of control when he was angry.
//The cold rage made him feel like he was __in__ control. It was only when
//he looked back that __events as a whole__ seemed to have… blown up out of
//control, somehow.

// 2023
//He wondered how much the Game Controller cared about that sort of thing, and
//whether he’d won or lost points for it. Harry himself felt like he’d lost quite
//a few points, and he was sure the old lady in the picture would have told him
//that his was the only opinion that mattered.

// 2024
//And Harry was also wondering whether the Game Controller had sent Professor
//Sprout. It was the logical thought: the note had threatened to notify the Game
//Authorities, and then there Professor Sprout was. Maybe Professor Sprout
//__was__ the Game Controller - the__ Head of House Hufflepuff__ would
//be the __last__ person anyone would suspect, which ought to put her near
//the top of Harry’s list. He’d read one or two mystery novels, too.

// 2025
//“So how am I doing in the game?” Harry said out loud.

// 2026
//A sheet of paper flew over his head, as if someone had thrown it from behind
//him - Harry turned around, but there was no one there - and when Harry turned
//forwards again, the note was settling to the floor.

// 2027
//The note said:

// 2028
//POINTS FOR STYLE: 10

// 2029
//POINTS FOR GOOD THINKING: -3,000,000

// 2030
//RAVENCLAW HOUSE POINTS BONUS: 70

// 2031
//CURRENT POINTS: -2,999,871

// 2032
//TURNS REMAINING: 2

// 2033
//“__Minus three million points?”__ Harry said indignantly to the empty
//hallway. “That seems excessive! I want to file an appeal with the Game
//Authorities! And how am I supposed to make up three million points in the next
//two turns?”

// 2034
//Another note flew over his head.

// 2035
//APPEAL: FAILED

// 2036
//ASKING THE WRONG QUESTIONS: -1,000,000,000,000 POINTS

// 2037
//CURRENT POINTS: -1,000,002,999,871

// 2038
//TURNS REMAINING: 1

// 2039
//Harry gave up. With one turn remaining all he could do was take his best shot,
//even if it wasn’t very good. “My guess is that the game represents life.”

// 2040
//A final sheet of paper flew over his head, reading:

// 2041
//ATTEMPT FAILED

// 2042
//FAILED FAILED FAILED

// 2043
//AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

// 2044
//CURRENT POINTS: MINUS INFINITY

// 2045
//YOU HAVE LOST THE GAME

// 2046
//FINAL INSTRUCTION:____

// 2047
//__go to Professor McGonagall’s office__

// 2048
//The last line was in his own handwriting.

// 2049
//Harry stared at the last line for a while, then shrugged. Fine. Professor
//McGonagall’s office it would be. If __she__ was the Game Controller…

// 2050
//Okay, honestly, Harry had absolutely no idea how he would feel if Professor
//McGonagall was the Game Controller. His mind was just drawing a complete blank.
//It was, literally, unimaginable.

// 2051
//A couple of portraits later - it wasn’t a long trip, Professor McGonagall’s
//office wasn’t far from her Transfiguration classroom, at least not on Mondays
//on odd-numbered years - Harry stood outside the door to her office.

// 2052
//He knocked.

// 2053
//“Come in,” said Professor McGonagall’s muffled voice.

// 2054
//He entered.